oh my gosh, there's my entry after all. Blogger is being so weird and flacky! Is blogger being wacko for anyone else!?

I'm really, really sad. I erased accidentally the entry I just wrote. I also have been working on a poetry page but something keeps on being weird with blogger. I've spent hours trying to get that thing published then the entries don't even show up. So it's like I totally wasted my time. Sometimes technology makes me so mad!

I've made a poetry page and I'll be adding it soon to my site. I'm using blogger for this page but for some reason I'm having a lot of problems publishing it. Usually I don't have any problems with blogger. So that's made me in a slightly annoyed mood. I've spent way too much time trying to fix it. Oh well. Soon as I get it fixed I'll let you know. I'm pretty excited about it. It's really amazing to see my poetry up in such a format. I put up whatever poems I could find (and I felt comfortable posting) scattered through out my journals of the past 5 years. So that was interesting to skim through different journals. I hadn't done that in a while and it was so enlightening. I realized that I had been praying about certain things a lot longer than I thought. I found certain prayer requests and concerns that I thought were more recent but I've actually been thinking about for years. Each poem reflects a period or circumstance in my life. It's so interesting for me to look at them all together as a kind of anthology of my life. I can see them from my eyes, remembering that time or I can see them through the eyes of someone else. They look so different when I look at them that way.

This weekend was a melancholy, lonely weekend. I was alone for the weekend for the first time in along time. It's hard for me to be alone usually during the weekends because I live on a campus in the forest with all my friends (fellow profs). So basically we are always together. But just by some fluke last minute situation everybody left for the weekend but me. Normally, this would be no problem at all because I do well alone for extended periods of time. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself. But I was sad anyway to begin this weekend. It turned all right though because after I got over the initial surprise of being alone I started to think of all the things I would like to do but never get a chance. So I walked around the fishing villages near my university taking pictures and filming people. It was great. I love doing that. I used to do that in Jerusalem all the time. It's so meditative. You can somehow soak up the culture more. Walking dusty streets, strolling narrow alleys, passing average fishermen entering their average house gets you in touch with something basic, something foundational in the country. And by the way, I’ll put those pictures up eventually, too. I didn’t take them with a digital camera so it’s going to take me a little longer to get them up.

Ok, this is going to be Joyce's "hook-up" entry. I often think of things or connections that have helped me out and I just thought I should share some of those things with you. So here they are. First, we've got two newsletters that have given me so many connections over the years. I strongly recommend them. One is a weekly newsletter for mission-minded people. If you want to be in the know about resources and networking with mission-minded people get on this list!
~Send an email just saying you want to subscribe (one sentence will do) and if you decide you don't want it you can easily unsubscribe
*To subscribe, write to brigada-today-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

*To check out their newsletter online go to at http://www.brigada.org

Ok, the second newsletter is bi-monthly and is called the web-evangelism newsletter. It’s also got a lot of great resources and info.
~To JOIN, send a blank email to: web-evangelism-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net
You can also check it out online at http://www.gospelcom.net/guide/resources/bulletin.php

Now here is an absolute LIFE SAVER for people who have acne problems. This is the only thing I know that really, really works without going to a doctor, spending TONS of money and almost destroying your liver with medication. It's a bit pricey but totally worth it. You also have to stay with it for over 6 months to get almost totally perfect skin but you do see results immediately. So suggest it to anyone that really struggles with acne-it works!! And no, I don't get anything out of this just the satisfaction of helping someone cuz I know what a bummer it can be.
www.proactiv.com

Some people want to support a missionary, they just don't know who or how. Well, I know a terrific organization. They are really reliable. A hundred percent of your money goes to a native missionary in Asia (as opposed to advertisement fees and such unless you specifically allocate your money to home staff and fees-which are important, too) You can "adopt" one missionary and pay about 20-30 dollars a month and that pays their salary. You also get a letter from them once every couple months telling you their prayer requests. It is written through a translator because most of the missionaries are village people. Another thing I like about it is you can sign up for automatic withdrawal out of your account, so that you won't forget. So here's the website. Check it out---www.gfa.org

Well, those are all my "hook-ups" for now. :-)

It's after work and I'm sitting in my office. Perhaps I'm finally beginning to get into my schedule since I've come back from Japan. This semester I'm working nights and starting classes at 3pm. So far I like it. One thing that I really like about it is that it gives me time to do things in the morning when I'm fresh. Something I'm really enjoying so far this semester is taking Tae-Kwon-Doe lessons in the morning. I get up at 8am, throw my clothes on and then run to meet my teacher near the cafeteria. So far I really like it. I was trying to analyze why I like it so much. For me it's so beautiful, so artful. Even though one could argue that in dance or sports a person trains their body in a similar way to produce some sort of movement. But in my opinion martial arts are the most beautiful. It was funny yesterday my teacher taught me a new kick. The first time I tried it he said, "Have you learned this before? It's like you already mastered it!" I think perhaps I was lucky the first time but it was true that kick came more naturally to me than other kicks. I was thinking later about why that was then it dawned on me. As many of you know I'm a major Matrix 1 fan and I've probably watched that movie 20+ times. (yes...it's true--in a sheepish voice) I’m pretty sure that Neo does this kick a couple times and one particular time really pronounced. So I realized that watching that movie a million times might have sub-consciously helped me out. See-it does pay to watch certain movies multiple times. :-)

You know the famed fables that some how involve one character being in a group where he tries to belong but there's always an ache inside him telling him that he doesn't quite belong. For example, the story of "The Ugly Duckling". Do you remember it? Its story line is something along the lines of a swan that grows up with a duck family. So it grew up thinking it was a duck but it was a terrible and supposedly ugly duck. The swan grew up thinking it should swim more like the other ducks or look more like the other ducks. It must have been so eye opening when the swan first realized who it was. I can imagine what it would have been like when the swan was first around other swans. They would have swam up to him and greeted him as one of their own. They wouldn't have been surprised at his size or looks but simply expected him to look like this because he was a swan, of course. The swan probably would have looked at the other swans and thought, "They swim like me! They look like me! They act like me!" Stories of such situations remind me of sometimes what I feel like in Korea. The interesting thing is though that I didn't always feel this way but it has grown in me. See-normally I just live my life like the ugly duck. I have a life here. I fit in here. I'm swimming pretty contently with all the ducks. But once in a while I'll get a glimpse of the invisible boundary between me and the Koreans. Like today I was interviewing potential members for MNE (Missions and English-a student lead missions group on campus) with other members of MNE who are Korean. One of the potential members came in and we began to ask her questions. She is Korean ethnically but she is Russian. She grew up in Russia and doesn't speak very much Korean. Within a couple minutes she made me realize once again that her and I are so similar and in some intangible way the Koreans are so far away from us. What I mean is her mind is western. I don't know her. I might not even agree with half of her ideas. However, that's not what I'm talking about, it's not about agreeing with each other. It's about sharing a mind-frame, a certain orientation. It's hard for one to put their finger on what it is exactly. Perhaps like how the swan felt when it was young. It couldn't see itself clearly in the water it just knew it wasn't the same as the ducks. Some sense or aching or longing inside. What's interesting is that I forget about the difference between my mind set and the Korean's mind-set until I'm with a lot of western people again. Then the difference between us glares so brightly.

This longing can work both ways. I can long for other "swans" but I can also long to belong with the "ducks" that I love and admire. Because if a swan is always around ducks it can begin to feel like one of them even though it always knows deep down that it isn't a duck. This can be especially acute for me when I start to feel romantic feelings for a Korean. There is the sense that I know them, that I'm drawn to them. But then there is that wall between us; our cultures are too fundamentally different. So I guess I'm like the swan that swims with a lot of ducks and I long for their company but our closeness can only go so far. So then I long for those who are fundamentally like me.

Here's a fascinating article called "Should Christians try to Convert Muslims?" It was on the front page of Time magazine. I was really impressed in a lot of ways when I read this article because the author had really done his homework. I felt he really knew about the evangelical mission movement; in fact I thought he probably knew more than a lot of evangelicals that aren't mission-minded. I also thought he represented Christians fairly and brought up issues that Christians themselves dispute. Read it-because it's more relevant than ever in these post 9/11 days.

I'm now in Tokyo at Ro's parents’ house. It's been a whirlwind of feelings and experiences. I got into the Tokyo airport last night and made my way through 3 confusing trains (3 hours later?) to the Potters' station. I also made a Taiwanese friend along the way when the book in my sweatshirt pocket stabbed her when I sat down next to her. We started to chat in English after she asked me to stop stabbing her with my book which, of course, I was unaware of. Once there Dr. Potter picked me up and I was once again reunited with the Potters at their home in Tokyo. Today I got up and Dr. Potter and I figured out how to get the embassy and Dr. Potter gave me impeccable directions as usual. I then proceeded to make my way around the maze that is called Tokyo's train system. You might think, "What's the big deal?" The deal is simply said- tons of trains. Not only that but tons of trains going to one destination but the trains are all different. One is the express train, one is the local train, one is the red, the blue, the green. So blue, green, yellow and red might all go towards the stop you want to get off at but one is faster so it only stops at major stops. (therefore skipping your stop) On top of that the signs are all in Japanese with English in small letters sometimes. At times there are crowds of people running everywhere and trains leaving and it seems you have to make decisions about which train to take in a split second or you might be left waiting for an hour. I also didn't mention some trains are only by reservation and/ or are way more expensive than others but they're also going in the direction you want to go. But you get the point-right? Did I mention that often you have to change the train 2 or 3 times each trip you take? ....OK, I'll stop going on about it. So thank goodness for Dr. Potter and his incredible thorough directions.

I finally got to the Korean embassy and when I got to the window they told me they closed "the visa time" 3 hours ago. But I said outside in the lobby it's says the visa time is from 1:30 to 4pm and it says that on the internet, too. So she says, "Well, it's wrong. We changed the time a month ago." Thankfully she took my passport and visa application anyway. After that we had a long discussion about just what had gone wrong with my visa anyway. Because technically my visa had 5 more months until it was invalid. So we went through the big discussion that I have had a hundred times by now and at first this immigration lady couldn't understand why the immigration people in Seoul had disqualified my visa. So we had a thoroughly confusing discussion and she finally thought she understood which I wasn't so sure about. Which just goes to show me once again out of this situation that a lot of the times even immigration people don't understand half the regulations concerning visas and that I've got to know what's going on with my visa because a lot of people don't know what they are talking about. At the end of our conversation she concluded with some slight doubt that I had been working illegally since Feb. 2003. That was her theory based on the paper work she had seen. Which I was pretty sure was not the case and somehow she didn't understand some part of the process. Anyway, all of this was not really relevant to the current visa process but more her and I trying figure out what went wrong. But it left me thinking this visa situation is so crazy and no one knows what they're talking about.

After that I headed back to Tokorozawa, which is the lovely suburb where Ro's parents live. I got there, I'm proud to say, splendidly and even met Ro's youngest brother, Brent, on the bus on the last leg of the 2 hour trip. I've known Brent since he was 10 years old but only seen him sporadically since then, so every 3 year increment I’ve seen him I've been astonished by how much he had changed . Especially when I saw him at 13 I felt like he had grown 2 feet since the last time I had seen him. This time it's like the boy I knew never existed and there's just this mature young man standing in front of me. (He’s 18 now.) I'm getting to the age when you can see people grow up and that in itself is weird. It also makes me feel like the dreaded relative that we all had whether it was an aunt or great cousin that said, "Haven't you grown like a weed....I seems just like yesterday that you were a tiny tot running naked through the sprinklers....and then there was when...." I'm turning into that person!! Oh no!

There's a lot more I could say about Brent and I doing dishes to Vanilla Ice's classic "Ice, Ice Baby" or eating dinner with the new missionary family that is joining the Potter's mission team in their area or how the Japanese dress so funky in comparison to Koreans or how I have felt anxious and sad about my money and future but also hopeful because "God can do more than we ask or imagine...". But I've got to go to sleep. Maybe later I can talk about the Muslim church planting book I'm reading (as one of my Uzbeki students once said, "It's just what the doctor ordered!") or some observations I've made about Japanese spheres of personal space. Good night!

I talked about it earlier now it's come up again. I get a web-evangelism newsletter and this was on it. This is a Christian website that is really influential in dialoging with non-Christians through film. This is what the web master of that site is saying. So Christians go on there and dialog with people on that message board. I'm going to try to go on the board also. ALso pray for venues for the film to be seen, people are protesting againest it being show in theaters.

MEL GIBSON'S FILM - YOU CAN HELP

Dave Bruce of Hollywoodjesus.com writes:
"Our message board for Mel Gibson's THE PASSION is being overloaded by
pre-Christians. I can not get to them all. The board is running 75%
pre-Christian, with very few solid Christians responding to those who
are
anti-Jesus. I have never seen anything like this!
Passion page: http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/passion.htm
Board: http://forums.gospelcom.net/view/hollywoodjesus/passion
Please post responses and get others to post. Needs 'Jesus makes a
difference in my life' personal responses. Goal: off-the-board dialogue
with
pre-Christians. Pass this need on too. It is going to be one of the
most
culturally-explosive films ever released!"

It's weird. This is the Monday of my second week of school. I feel both busy and in slow motion. I have the lightest schedule I've ever had at Handong. And that is exaggerated I think because the first week a lot of the things I'm going to be doing hadn't even started yet. I feel strange and strangely guilty like there is something I should be doing. At the same time I have felt preoccupied with my whole visa mess. I'm going to Japan to get a new work visa as soon as I get the paper work from my school. It looks like it's going to be a crazy ride though. Because I'm getting stand-by tickets from Ro's brother, who is a pilot. Stand-by is unpredictable and often stressful. I have only a short window of time to get the visa because of the most important holiday in Korea is coming up and the Korean embassy will be closed. But I have to get my work visa before Chusuk (the holiday in Korea) because my tourist visa will expire. So please pray for all the details that have to fall in place as I travel to Japan. A lot could potentially go wrong. well, I have got class.....

Wow, what a ride. I'm finally back in Korea. I had a lay over in Tokyo and it turned out that something was wrong with the plane so all the people on the plane had to stay in a hotel. (with all expenses paid) The hotel was about an hour and a half away from the airport and then it took another 45 minutes to check in. While waiting in line I really wanted to lie down on the floor by that time I had been up for a long time. (I didn't sleep on the way to Korea) The nice thing about going to the hotel though was that I got to sleep in a nice bed instead of a bus and a plane. I also took a hot bath, which was wonderful for my stiff back. Then I got up at 3:30am to catch the bus back to the airport which we were informed was now leaving a 9:50am instead of 7am. So more waiting around with the passengers of the plane that I was now well acquainted with. Then I got to Seoul and was told at the immigration booth that my working visa had expired. After sitting in the immigration office and having Joanne talk with the immigration officer (over the phone in Korean) I am still confused to what happened and worried about it. They let me in the country with only a 30 day tourist visa. This is actually quite serious. All I know is that I did what I was told and in Feb. when my visa was expiring I went to the immigration office in Pohang and renewed it. Obviously, something was seriously wrong. But I have no idea what happened, I remember specifically asking the immigration guy, "Is this a multiple visa?" We had a hard time communicating but I thought we both walked away with it solved. But I guess not. Please when you read this pray about this for me because I don't know what we are going to do. Jun-mo is going to call the immigration lady to find out what happened as soon as Joanne reaches him. I have the nagging feeling that somehow this is my fault even though I know it is not. Well, I'm still in the airport in Seoul so I better go and call Ro to see if she can pick me up at the airport in Pohang.

Oh great, suddenly I feel like I have nothing to write about. I've written a couple blogs in my head today, so where are they?
You know you are in America when:
*you receive the food you ordered and you gasp at its great size
*people drive so obediently and orderly
*there is an abundance of everything (you walk into Costco or Wal-Mart and can't believe the pure abundance)
*almost every young woman from 12 to 30 is showing part of her stomach (at least in Southern California)
* white people are trying to be really brown and somewhat succeeding (in contrast to Korea where everyone is always trying to be whiter)
It's funny cuz I a year ago I wrote a list like this for Korea (you know you're in Korea when...) to process some of the external cultural aspects when you first visit. I wrote it in my first semester in Korea and then later realized that I no longer noticed the very things I wrote about. But I wrote it mainly to illustrate the external things that usually strike the person who first travels to Korea from the West. And when I did this I tried to do it the other way and imagine what a person coming to the US would first notice. And to tell you the truth-I couldn't do it. I guess I couldn't become that objective. So today I realized that a year and a half later I have acquired some sense of objectivity about the US, so that certain things struck me as different or foreign.

Read This to See if Joyce Runs Over a Cow
(also read it cuz I spent way too long writing it)
I don't know where to begin about Uzbekistan. I told you on July 28th a brief sketch of the country. I'll tell you about some things that you would see if you came to Uzbekistan so you get the context, then I'll tell you some high-lights for me. I, actually, don't like to tell these details sometimes because I find beginner travelers and/or people who don't travel to industrializing nations really over-emphasize these points often intentionally or unintentionally with a kind of superior attitude. It's just life an industrializing nation-no reason for us to be snooty about it. With that out of my system-if you were to go to Uzbekistan right now probably the first thing you would notice would be that it seems like you went back in time 50 or 60 years as far as technology goes. Almost all the cars are 1950's style and any other form of technology is about the same. You would also notice that there are often a couple cows roaming freely in the street or along the street as you ride around in the back of your 1950's taxi with your smoking in the car every 15-30 minutes taxi driver. You'd also notice the toilets are some what crude porcelain holes in the ground with no toilet paper available.(which if you're a smart traveler in the 2/3's world you'll have tissue in your purse which you must throw away in the small garbage can next to the toilet NOT in the toilet...the piping can't handle toilet paper. And if you clog up the toilet with the toilet paper the cleaning lady will surely be yelling about you, "stupid foreigner" in some language you don't understand.) Another thing you would notice would be how many of the women dress. Especially in the rural areas almost all the women wear long, airy, loose fitting dresses and the older women wear scarves around their heads (usually more in a Russian style than Arab style) However, maybe one girl out of 20 girls walking by you will be wearing a sexy tank-top and pants. These girls tend to be Russian most of the time. Most of the people in Uzbekistan are of Uzbek ethnicity which means they are Muslim, which means they are more conservative, which means they should dress accordingly. But if they are of Russian ethnicity their culture is actually quite different from pure Uzbek culture. However, I believe this is different in the capital city, Tashkent, where everyone tends to be more liberal. I'm speaking mostly from my experience in Fergana, a semi-large by Uzbek standards city, in the conservative country side.

I was just up getting some tea and because of the music I'm listening to thought of how they dance in Uzbekistan. It's really amazing. I actually tried to see if I could still remember how to dance in their style in my living room. :-) But I just couldn't remember, the dance style is so different. You could say, "All Koreans sing and all Uzbekis dance". For enjoyment in groups Koreans sing and for enjoyment Uzbekis dance. So when I was over at this Uzbeki girl's house with a bunch of other Uzbeki girls for dinner after they wanted to dance. Their native music is more Indian or Arab style and so is their dance style. It's so beautiful, artful and sexy. It's kind of similar to how a belly dancer dances if you've never seen Indian dancing. It also reminds me of Spanish dancing, too. So the Korean girls from my team and I tried to dance with them but we looked so stiff and clumsy compared to them. I actually picked it up a little after dancing awhile but as I said I can't do it now (or maybe it was the non-Arab music I was dancing to).

Now on to my personal high-lights. I also could say a lot of things about what it was like to go on a missions trip with a group of students from a different culture than my own. I was the only "white person" on my team and the only person who couldn't speak Korean. There was one other male prof. on the trip who is Korean American so in many ways we are the same culturally. That helped to have one other American on the trip but he still had an advantage over me obviously because he speaks the language and is a part of Korean culture more than me. Being the only one that was totally non-Korean was educational but hard at times. But most of the times it was fine. One thing of many things I gleaned by being with a Korean team is what God is doing in the Korean mission force. I stayed with various Korean missionaries. Their dedication to the field and to souls is really inspiring and challenging. They are doing a lot of great things, for example, I visited a dental clinic and children's hospital that offer free services to Uzbekis totally ran by Christian Koreans. (They are secretly planting churches through these organizations...even though Uzbekistan says it has freedom of religion-it doesn't really...Uzbeki Christians are highly persecuted and missionaries not allowed in the country) Did you know the second highest missionary sending nation is Korea, after the States? And perhaps per capita Korea sends the most missionaries world-wide. I really thank God that I've had the unique experience of working for God with a culture other than my own, I think it will enable me to think beyond cultural restraints more easily and it makes me a more diversified person and future missionary.

Ok, now I'm really going to talk about my personal high-lights. I think one of the things that sticks out the most in my mind is the class I taught for a week in Fergana University. I had 8 students in my class, one of them wants to become the future president of Uzbekistan (he's almost fluent in Korean and English) From the beginning it was clear to me that these students were very smart and eager to learn anything they could. Because of the economic state of Uzbekistan they just don't have the materials or access to information that we have. I felt like they knew about everything they could know about. They were thoroughly versed on politics and geography-I felt more than a lot of students I've taught. Right away we started talking about deep things freely, they delved into the discussions without hesitation. The first day we discussed relationships and they went around the classroom surveying their classmates about different opinions on relationships as one of the lesson activities. We had many interesting discussions about marriage customs and dating customs. For example, usually in Uzbekistan men marry around 20 to 23 and women marry from 17 to 22. And when you get married you live with the husband's family until you have enough money to build your own house. By the end of the week, we had discussed abortion, Iraq, the Palestinians, Christianity and Islam and the spiritual world.

Probably the day that penetrated me the most was the day I gave the students a survey on the "supernatural". It was so cute and I still laugh about this when I introduced the topic for the day one student that's really funny said, "This is just what the doctor ordered!" I thought it was so hilarious that he said that. Anyway, that's not the point. The survey has different unexplained supernatural experiences on it such as out of body experience, fortune teller, ghosts and UFO's. It's really great for discussing spiritual issues. They go around the classroom and ask their classmates if they believe in these things and why or why not. We got into a very deep talk about worldviews and discussed the different answers to world view questions. Such as, what are humans?, Is there a God?, and why is the evil on earth?. For each question (there are more questions) we wrote together on the board how different worldviews answer these questions. Such as how would a naturalist answer "what is a human?" or how would a Hindu answer this question. So we went through all these questions but at the end I said ok, now we've discussed what different worldviews believe. But how do you know which one is right? Should we just believe the worldview of the culture we were born in (because what if it's wrong....cuz they believe Hinduism is wrong but they could've been born in India) or should we test our own worldview and others to see which best explains reality. Well, the truth is they were mesmerized and I think impacted. So this led to other discussions and I told them most of my family isn't Christian. Christianity was something I found as I was searching for truth (humanly speaking). The implications, of these ideas for them, of course, were that they shouldn't just believe Islam cuz there parents believe it. So that was a very thought provoking class.

The most exciting thing that happened, though, was that at the end of the one week camp we had church at the missionary's house and many students came. We invited them to join us but wanted to be very clear that it was church so they wouldn't feel tricked. Well, more of them came then we thought would (maybe 15) and prof. Abraham shared the gospel. And after the church service the missionary spoke in Uzbek and told the students if they were interested they can come every Sunday and the service will be in Uzbek. (By the way, we were in the missionary's living room not a church building) Here's the most amazing thing to me though that after the missionary said some stuff in Uzbek to the students the students started discussing emotionally something. After I asked one of my students what he had said. He said that he had told them that Uzbekistan isn't like some Middle Eastern countries that think Christianity is wrong but that it is possible that Christianity is not wrong because we both believe in Moses and Jesus. This was quite a amazing thing to come from his mouth and could be quite a transforming idea to Uzbeki culture. Basically, it means they are open to hearing the gospel and won't out right reject it like some Muslim countries. So hopefully that faithful Sunday a church was born in Fergana. So please pray for those students that I taught and that continue going to that missionary's house! Ok, I can't write anymore. But I hope you read this cuz I spent too much time writing it. :-)

When I went to get a cup of water after getting up from bed this morning I remembered a funny dream I had had. In the dream I kept drinking glasses of water again and again but my thirst was never quenched. It was the topic of everyone's conversation in my dream, "Can you believe how much Joyce is drinking but she still wants more..." I must have been thirsty during the night. I laughed to myself as I remembered how obsessive I was in my dream about wanting more and more water.

I was taking a walk on the dirt roads that lead to various rice fields behind Ro's apartment today (it's like a little forest). Enjoying the feeling of the soft breeze on my arms and the warm sun on my skin. I've perhaps been a bit of a hermit for these last couple days since I've been back from Uzbekistan kooked (for the life of me I can't remember the spelling of that word...so please put it on a shout out) up in Ro's apartment online almost all the time. I'm really enjoying it though. I wanted to read some poetry as I gazed at the green rice fields (some times for relaxation and attempting as they say in the Dead Poets Society "to suck the marrow out of life" I read poetry out loud to myself somewhere out in the outdoors) but I could only find a book about Rich Mullins. But that turned out to be great. He has some great song lyrics and many deep thoughts. He is inspiring. He was and continues to be an influence in my life. I clearly remember when he died. I was in Israel and dealing with a lot of life and death issues on a new level. I remember listening to his songs on my walkman on the roof of my school over looking the white stone old city of Jerusalem and thinking about his words, his death among many other things. Here are some snippets from a chapter on temptation from a book called Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven,

(Rich Speaking) "I've been in and out of all kinds of things-like self-deprecation, self-interest, ego trips, alcohol and other addictions. I've failed many times to avoid those kinds of temptations. But that's not really what the devil was really interested in. What he was trying to do is make me feel apart from God. Now I know that what Satan would like to take from us is our true knowledge of who we are-which is children of God."
(the book goes on to say...)
"The goal of the enemy of our souls is to destroy our relationship with God by getting us to accept the lie that we are not loved. As strange as it might sound, the actual sin itself, while damaging to the person, is not the primary issue. Musician Billy Crockett, who played guitar on many of Rich's albums noted, "We have a religious culture that tries to keep its nose clean all of the time, but in Rich Mullins you met someone whose allegiance was to something much greater than not sinning. His life is always pointing to a greater reality.""

Wow...good stuff....
Here's part of a song Rich wrote relating with this topic that I can relate to.
When a million voices whisper
And they tell me I should leave
Into the shadows that the moon casts
On these alleys and these streets
But I know that chasing shadows won't get me anywhere
'Cause I've been there

I spent some time chasing my own plans and agenda but it always leads nowhere. And now for the final quote from this book which is actually from C.S. Lewis (don't skip this....it's really insightful I think)

"Only those that try to resist temptation know how strong it is...That is why bad people know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside of us until we try to fight it: and Christ because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist."

There's this fruit-loop sounding Christian guy on CNN right now discussing Christian Zionism. I just couldn't take it, so I turned the TV off. He was being so offensive! It was embarrassing! Anyway, I wanted to put a link on here so I wouldn't lose a site. (right now I'm staying at Ro's house so I can't save stuff on favorites) This article is so great! It's really easing my headache about buying a new laptop. I need to do research and make sense of all the crazy acronyms out there (RAM,SDRAM, USB, PCI, SCSI, EIDE, CPU, PCI, MIDI, NTSC...) It was stressing me out! But this article (and all the articles linked to it) is really helping me out. advice on buying a computer I feel a little lame putting this on my blog when really what I should be doing is filling you in on my Uzbekistan trip. :-O But that will come soon...good night...

It's my second day back to Korea. Yesterday I got here half way through the day and basically bought a little food then watched a movie and went to bed. Then I woke up today around 12:45 in the afternoon. It was an exhausting trip and I didn't sleep hardly at all my all night trip here.

I've decided I'm going to try to tell about my trip to Uzbekistan little by little on my blog so that I don't write a ten page blog thus exhausting me and you. :-) I'll start by saying I think the trip changed me. Another thing I'll mention just as a short summary to start us out is that Uzbekistan is very poor and very hot. I'm also considering working there or in Central Asia on a long term basis if it's God's will. (more about that will come) What makes Uzbekistan worth while is the people and their potential. In the short interaction I had with the people I found them to be passionate, intelligent, inquiring, open, searching, desperate for opportunity and change, and impressionable. The country is very undeveloped. I hadn't been to a country that was that undeveloped in a long time. It was interesting to see the change in myself that I hadn't realized. When I was last in a country like this one I saw the poverty and lack of economic development but at that time I just didn't realize the full social and economic implications of what I was seeing. I guess I just wasn't as much of an adult then. India was very poor (and actually nobody in Uzbekistan is as poor as the poorest I saw in India) but there was still the impression of business in India -the free process of buying and selling and all that goes with that such as advertising. But in Uzbekistan there was little advertisement and often stores gave me the impression that they were somewhat out of stock. I think the country that it reminds of most is Albania, which would make sense. Because there history is somewhat similar-a post-communist country trying to make its way after opening up to the world. In the case of Uzbekistan it used to be part of Russia but became independent in 1991 when communism fell in Russia.

Well, I should go to sleep. I'll write more later. I'm leaving more San Diego 5 days...wow. In the meantime I have a lot to think about. I want to take advantage of this free time while I have it. Can you believe this is my first chunk of free time this summer!! I can't believe it either! Please pray for me as I hope to spend some serious thinking time on the subject of my Master's degree and my next step. For those close to me, they know this is something constantly on my mind because I need to start making some decisions soon or so I think.

hey, I'm back...actually I'm in the airport in Seoul....I'm trying to figure out which way I want to get home to Pohang...plane or train....unfortunately....I'm sick to my stomach....so I just want to lay around....well, Uzbekistan was mind-opening and I'm coming back to Korea with a new perspective....I'll tell more about that after I recover...so more coming soon!

I just sent my newsletter so hopefully some of you will be stopping by. If you'd like to read more about my Uzbekistan trip click here. If you'd like see wonderful pics of this last semester click here. Otherwise, please feel free to read about some of the things that are happening in my brain or in my life.

Wow, I just read a fascinating review of the Matrix discussing the symbolism in the movie concerning post-modernism and modernism. Did you know that Neo's name means new and Morpheus means change. You've got to read it.

A Pohang (the lovely steel mill city I live in) update for all you Pohang lovers out there (you know who you are). The street where they built the new theater is now booming. It's amazing! It's not the same street. It's lined with cars and there are now food booths outside on the streets to feed the new crowds of teeny-boppers. And get this-there's a Subway sandwich shop now!!!! Yes, I said Subway!! Can you believe it!!? When I first saw it I stood gaping from across the street. Then, of course, I went and bought a sandwich which for some reason was terrible. But I'm still ecstatic that there is now a Subway in Pohang!! Wow, aren't we getting modern!?

Today I pretty much finished my summer school class. The only thing we have left are the finals Monday. For some reason, which I'm not quite in touch with yet, I really enjoyed my summer school classes. I'm thinking maybe it's because I'm their only class so they are really enthusiastic about my class. Sometimes during the school year, particularly Sophomores get burnt out and I really see it in class. I've been doing some reflecting on my expectations for my classes and my students lately. I think I have a tendency to expect my students to be passionate about my class or I start to get ticked off. Maybe I expect too much. Today their presentations were so great. As usual there were a lot references to me (they always make references to the teacher and their unique habits...like the way they say something or organize something) For example, I often group students into groups of two by saying, "you two, you two, you two.." while pointing to the students. So, of course, in one of their skits they do this and everyone thinks it's hilarious when a male student dressed like a woman starts saying, "you two, you two". Yes, when they do skits I learn about all the things I do that stick out in their minds that I had no idea about. They really went all out today. I was really proud of them. Each skit was about 20 minutes and they had music and costumes. One was about how agent Smith had kidnapped me and two of my students had to go into the matrix to find me. It was sooo funny. Then when they finally found me I didn't want to leave because agent Smith understands my "art" which is a reference to my super dorky drawings that I draw on the white board to explain a concept about grammar or writing.

Well, I found out today, tragically, that joy (less) travel loused up my plane ticket to the US in August. They misunderstood the price and after I sent them the money they told me two days later that the price is 200.000 more won then they thought. (I'm going to kill them!) Why do I use them? Well, from now on I'm going to use a different travel agency. They also caused a lot of probs for Ro's travels this summer. Please pray for me about this, because it's complicated. Because I'm leaving for Uzbekistan soon and other factors. (Basically, I had calculated my money carefully and now this messes everything up)

I am now officially leaving for Uzbekistan July 11. I found this out 2 days ago. All of MNE left yesterday except, prof. Abraham Lee and I. Strangely, Abraham's and I visas were delayed while everyone else's visas were fine. When Betty (the gal in charge of MNE) asked the travel agent what was the problem he gave the strange reply that a computer in the Uzbek embassy is broken and that's why the visas won't be ready until July 11. Hmm, that makes everything clear as crystal. But both Betty and I were like, oh well, let's just give it to the Lord cuz it's beyond us. Everything should be fine for leaving July 11 though. And now I think that’s probably better because it gives me more time, instead of racing off right after my class finishes. Especially, considering I have to sort out everything with my ticket to the US.