When I went to get a cup of water after getting up from bed this morning I remembered a funny dream I had had. In the dream I kept drinking glasses of water again and again but my thirst was never quenched. It was the topic of everyone's conversation in my dream, "Can you believe how much Joyce is drinking but she still wants more..." I must have been thirsty during the night. I laughed to myself as I remembered how obsessive I was in my dream about wanting more and more water.

I was taking a walk on the dirt roads that lead to various rice fields behind Ro's apartment today (it's like a little forest). Enjoying the feeling of the soft breeze on my arms and the warm sun on my skin. I've perhaps been a bit of a hermit for these last couple days since I've been back from Uzbekistan kooked (for the life of me I can't remember the spelling of that word...so please put it on a shout out) up in Ro's apartment online almost all the time. I'm really enjoying it though. I wanted to read some poetry as I gazed at the green rice fields (some times for relaxation and attempting as they say in the Dead Poets Society "to suck the marrow out of life" I read poetry out loud to myself somewhere out in the outdoors) but I could only find a book about Rich Mullins. But that turned out to be great. He has some great song lyrics and many deep thoughts. He is inspiring. He was and continues to be an influence in my life. I clearly remember when he died. I was in Israel and dealing with a lot of life and death issues on a new level. I remember listening to his songs on my walkman on the roof of my school over looking the white stone old city of Jerusalem and thinking about his words, his death among many other things. Here are some snippets from a chapter on temptation from a book called Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven,

(Rich Speaking) "I've been in and out of all kinds of things-like self-deprecation, self-interest, ego trips, alcohol and other addictions. I've failed many times to avoid those kinds of temptations. But that's not really what the devil was really interested in. What he was trying to do is make me feel apart from God. Now I know that what Satan would like to take from us is our true knowledge of who we are-which is children of God."
(the book goes on to say...)
"The goal of the enemy of our souls is to destroy our relationship with God by getting us to accept the lie that we are not loved. As strange as it might sound, the actual sin itself, while damaging to the person, is not the primary issue. Musician Billy Crockett, who played guitar on many of Rich's albums noted, "We have a religious culture that tries to keep its nose clean all of the time, but in Rich Mullins you met someone whose allegiance was to something much greater than not sinning. His life is always pointing to a greater reality.""

Wow...good stuff....
Here's part of a song Rich wrote relating with this topic that I can relate to.
When a million voices whisper
And they tell me I should leave
Into the shadows that the moon casts
On these alleys and these streets
But I know that chasing shadows won't get me anywhere
'Cause I've been there

I spent some time chasing my own plans and agenda but it always leads nowhere. And now for the final quote from this book which is actually from C.S. Lewis (don't skip this....it's really insightful I think)

"Only those that try to resist temptation know how strong it is...That is why bad people know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside of us until we try to fight it: and Christ because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist."