The greatest truth I know is what I feel when I look in my niece's eyes.

I'm so easily confused about my life, burdened by the loneliness and darkness I see around me. Life can often seem colorless and meandering.

But when I look in my niece's eyes, eyes that glow with a pure truth, my relativism and pessimism lift and out shines one singular truth-love without condition.

I've always been one to tie myself in intellectual knots and it's always been the profound truth of simple love that has lifted the superfluous fog of my limited human logic.

It's this love that makes everything make sense; it's this love that makes things matter. It's in the light of this pure child-like love that our own darkness is exposed and our deepest redemption found.

I've been busy from dawn till dusk this last week. I'm feeling kind of homeless as I'm in the process of moving to Palos Verdes for the summer but all my stuff is in 3 different locations in Los Angeles right now.

As June and I were about to leave to Barnes and Noble tonight she said, "aren't you going to change?" She was commenting on my interesting combination of somewhat formal shirt and workout pants. But hey, that's what happens when your clothes are all over LA and you go on a weekend trip to San Diego to hang out with "the fam" and "the old school".

Man, I feel like I've been inundated with superficiality lately. It's been hitting me on all fronts. Men, friends, random people sitting next to me...

The girl sitting next to me has been absolutely driving me crazy! I'm trying to concentrate on my taxes and she's gossiping about some poor girl. But the poor girl is not the only object of her annoying, shallow tirades. She is also, of course, talking about how smart she is and how that guy that hit on her was obviously "not smart enough" because he's from the South. Whatever that means!

This is what her words sounded like to me, "whinewhinewhinenegativitybrattybrainlesswhine! Andasldijgfijfosdigj!"

Annoying!!!! I seriously can't understand why people waste their time going on and on about such meaningless bull crap. Unfortunately, I feel like I've been hearing a lot of things like this lately and I'm starting to wonder if the stereotypes of LA are more true than I originally thought.

sorry...venting....

The count down has begun. I'm moving to the OC one week from tomorrow. Time has flown by. It's weird to be moving again. Part of me feels like it's going to be like moving to a totally new city. Hopefully that's not true because it's not like I'm severing all the connections I've made here on the Westside.

It's funny-my roommates and I have been spending ridiculous amounts of time talking and hanging out at our place. It's like we're subconsciously trying to squeeze in as much time as possible before we separate.

Right now I think I'm suffering from a bout of post-semester disorientation. In this past week alone I've had two dreams in which I've woken up panicked about some paper I need to finish or some missing document that's going to bring my grade down. Of course, later after struggling for a minute to separate fact from dream, I realize that the semester is over and everything is complete. I also have that common summer feeling of, "what do I do now?" But it's not like I don't have a lot to do or a lot of things to enjoy. It's just that rapid change from stressed to unstressed that leaves a person a bit thrown off.

I guess it doesn't help that my stupid international tax situation is looming over my head. (don’t worry I got an extension) I've finally got all the answers I need to file though. So if you ever live overseas for a long time and need some tax help you know who to ask.

There's something sad about this cat and mouse game we call the dating game.

Often when a guy first starts pursuing me, unbeknownst to him I pull into myself. I start seeing the situation as if I was outside myself-an invisible, objective outsider merely observing the situation.

Something about that vantage point frequently pushes me into a state of melancholy. Here are two humans trying to make it through a maze of motives, expectations, and baggage to actually reach each other. Ironically in the process of trying desperately to connect, they often push each other further away.

This out-of-body experience has been especially stark with a couple guys. As one particular guy was talking on and on about all his ex-girlfriends over dinner, I felt close to tears. Not because of his obvious lack of awareness, but because in his desire to connect with me he had pushed me away.

It's the observer in me that is most grieved by this because that observer knows that this guy's behavior is reflective of what we all do at times-a micro-example of the human experience. Seeking selfishly to be loved, we push the chance for genuine love aside.

The dating game frequently thrusts me into a somber, thoughtful state. I so often feel like just a pawn on some guy’s chessboard. He's looking to win the game of love and in the pursuit of love he misses me-the person right in front of him.