random thoughts...

Amazed and awed as I realized how far we've really come as women. When my grandfather was born women were still fighting to vote in England. Wyoming was the forerunner giving women voting rights in 1869! I said 1869!

That's really not that long ago when measured in life times. Just a couple generations ago. People my grandmother knew (her grandmother, aunts) lived when women were struggling for the right to vote. It's wild when you think about it. My grandmother's life has contained interactions with people from both that time and our current time period.

Saudi Arabia still doesn't allow women to vote!

I was thinking the other day how bizarre it is that Memoirs of a Geisha has all the actors and actresses speaking in broken English with a supposed Japanese accent. It's weird if you think about it. We're watching a story that is supposedly set in Japan and in reality they would be speaking in Japanese but instead they're speaking in broken English. Like that's supposed to make it more authentic! haha!

Wouldn't it be funny if the tables were turned? A movie about some historical period in the US like the Civil War with "real "American actors speaking broken Japanese! How bizarre that would be. hmmmm....what does that reveal to us about power and language, my fellow space cadets?

I had a sudden sadness surge (S.S.S. according to the american psychological society...okay, I'm just joking about that last part...don't be so gullible!) when I was reading through an article on the nuclear arms race. Particularly when I came to a chart titled "the cold war: navigate through history."

I had been pretty peppy up to that point but after reading through the lists of conflicts categorized into the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and today. I wanted to just lay my head down and squeeze some tears out.

But I just sighed and thought “I just don't get it”. I read every day about revolution, social justice, power to the people and standing up for the marginalized, the oppressed....yadddaaaa, yadddaa!

And I so often want to ask these same people that spout these noble ideas, what or who are we fighting against? Who is the big bad "they" that we so often refer to? Because the same people that yell themselves hoarse don't believe in evil. We are all groovy. Like in "we are the world".

But that's what I don't get.

When I trace the cheery chart of conflicts over the last 50 years, I know the "they" I'm fighting against is not out there somewhere. But is the face staring back at me in the mirror. That "they" is all of us. That's what I want to hear more about, Che. Sorry, buddy but that revolution is not enough. I...we need a deeper, more fundamental revolution.

Thank you, Jesus, for when I don't have technical difficulties because when I do have them it's super annoying! Like right now. Randomly explorer is doing the weirdest stuff.

Anyway, life has been surprisingly busy. Last semester the first 4 weeks of class were low demand-not the case this semester. I'm also starting to feel a bit pressured about applying to internships. There are just too many options! I am feeling somewhat paralyzed by the myriad of directions I could go in. But I'm working on that and just this morning I was reminding myself just to take everything one step at a time.

Which brings me to some hook-ups I need from YOU! Yes, you staring at my lovely blogola. I'm going to be taking a one week citizen advocacy class in DC Feb. 13th through the 17th. Does anybody know anyone in the nonprofit sector that I could chat with about the scene in DC? Church connections, your impressions of the culture of DC, or just info in general is also welcome.

But back on the farm, life is good off campus. I'm LOVING it. It's really making me realize what a cool little town Brattleboro is. My house is a five minute walk away from downtown with all its artsy stores, coffee shops and breweries.

Fun...I am one with the city. ooooommmmm....

I've moved into a classic Vermont house. It's a hundred years old, has a bathtub with clawed feet, squeaky doors with huge key holes and drafty wood floors.

Yes, I'm renting a room from an elderly woman that watched all six of her children grow up in this house and then move out. She lived here with her husband until he passed away twenty years ago. Lots of memories in this house...yup, that's for sure.

So far living off campus is absolutely marvelous but it has only been about three hours since my friends and I hauled all my crap up these stairs. :-)

Dang, even wikipedia has a section on the emerging church. This is also a really funny and enlightening (definitely going to read some of the books listed) critique of emerging churches.

Okay, going to bed. Leaving for Vermont bright and early!

what a sparse blogger i've been since i've been home in the CA. all my entries since the beginning of the break can fit on one page. that's a first.

yeah, it's been really busy. i've hardly been home. it's been more like my gram's house has been "my base" as i've been out hanging out and catching up with people about 85% of the time. it's been good but I would have liked a little more down time. By the time I got back from Portland I had definitely had enough of sleeping at different people's houses. Seriously, maybe I'm a closet introvert.

well, i'm gearing up to go back to Vermont early Sunday morning. i've been really afraid of going back most of the break but now that it's drawing near I'm feeling braver. it's been such a mixed bag at that crazy school. On one hand, i love what i'm learning and i never regret going there but on the hand there are so many things that frustrate and terrify me about being there.

Potential failure, rejection seem to loom around every corner. People are ultraliberal, oversensitive, reactionary and often illogical when it comes to debating issues.

Underneath it all something scarier moves and drifts just below the surface of my consciousness like an indiscernible creature in murky waters. What is it the squinting fishermen ask. It's....me or rather what I fear most about myself. The fears and insecurities that threaten to swallow me, that seem to have a life of their own and without much notice fight to take over my life.

Who has control of my life?

Lord, You do. Please help me....I really don't know if I can do it.....

I'm much better now. It ended up being food poisoning which I 'spose is better than the flu.

I'm in Portland now. Recently got back from Crystal's wedding festivities. Her wedding was beautiful, original and on the fly. She asked me over the phone as I was driving to the church if I could read some scripture during the service. This was fifteen minutes before the service was starting. ;-) Pictures to come….

Okay, need my sleep to prevent people overload syndrome.

Oh man, what am I going to do? I've suddenly come down with this stomach sickness and I'm leaving on a plane for Portland tomorrow. Bad, bad timing. I've been nauseous all day. Then my stomach finally had enough a couple hours ago and ejected everything I've eaten today which is basically nothing.

What am I going to do? If I don't improve, I could be a nightmare to sit with on the plane. :-) I think I'm getting sick again....heading for the bathroom.

Pray for me!

Happy 2006 everyone!!

I don't get it! People keep on telling me that they call my gram's landline and it's busy a lot. Which is highly unlikely being as they never talk on the phone. Hmmm.... So if you call and it's busy-try again.

sorry...

Happy after Christmas and Happy post B-day!

Thanks for all your b-day love! I'm starting my 23rd year of life (ah-hem!) with lots of love.

Anywho, just wanted to let you all know before I jetted over to my oldest old school homie's (alison and her three beautiful offspring) house that "I'm coming up....I want the world to see..." You know that song-right?

Well, I'm coming up to LA around the 30th and probably staying until the 2nd. So give me a holla if you want to hang out.

haha! Finally googlevideo posted my video submission. Hehe....

Here it is...

Enjoy!

Wireless is splendid. I'm waiting at Bradley Airport in Hartford and checking my email for free. It's amazing how quickly technology is developing. A couple years ago this would have been a foreign concept for me. What's going to be next? What will I be taking for granted in the next couples years that would amaze me now?

I've escaped from my life of drudgery and I'm out in the open. Yes, sailing away with gleeeeeee, babeeeee! How's that for alliteration. Oh-jah! Unfortunately, I've had to sail away with some homework still to complete but I'll get it done in the next couple days.

ONE DAY AWAY!! And I can't make myself work. This is getting bad.

Yeah, and I'm wondering what's it all about. Will I ever break out of the chains that bind me? ...my self doubt.

Enough melodramatic proclamations as I listen to cheesy Backstreet Boys music....and the reason I'm listening-you ask. This SOO funny video made by these Chinese students. Man, this brings me to tears. These guys have a future in acting. Can't you see them in Kung Fu Hustle? (which is a really good movie by the way)

Note: Talking about this stuff somehow reminds me of when I was happy and I wasn't trapped in this dungeon of a school. Oh no, I'm being melodramatic again.

Well, so finding this video on Allen's blog also caused me to discover the whole world of googlevideo. Amazing! You can upload your videos for the world to see for free. So finally I can upload some of my videos to my blog. So Ro and Pohang girls I'm sorry but yes, you're going to be stars. :-) hehe

Coming soon....
"Taekwondo Adventures"

yes, cheesy but true......

3 more days, baby!!!! Oh the ecstasy! hehe

If only I could close my eyes and then suddenly be on the plane. But alas I have to keep my eyes open, so I won't trip over an icicle and land face first in the snow. (otherwise you know, I'd maybe try keeping my eyes closed for the next 3 days)

Hardy-har-har-har-har..har, har!!

In other news, it's shaping up to be a busy Christmas break. But thank God, I think it's long enough that I'll still have time to reflect, read and send out resumes.

It's looking like I'm going to be in Portland from the 5th-ish to the 11th-ish of January for my friend, Crystal's wedding. (Congrats, babe!) I'm still waiting on my sis to firm up the dates. She's hopefully going to come with me, so we can also work on some important family stuff while we're up there.

Then I'm going to be in LA sometime between the 19th of December and Jan. 5th. That's still in the works. I think I may go up a couple days before I leave for Portland. Here I am day dreaming about my vacation while I should be working on my paper.

hmmmm... bah-humbug!

oh, whoopsie...I'm going to do that tag thing soon, marg...

I'm on the homestretch, baby!! Oh yeah! Uh-huh! Oh yeah!

Four more days and then I'm taking offffffffffffffffff in a blaze of glory!!!! I'm almost over the giant stress mountain-one more paper and one more presentation. OHHHH yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to get away and reflect on my whole experience here thus far.

And it looks like someone put my blog address on Handong's i2 boards (the university I used to teach at) So "hi" wonderful Handong students!!!!!!!! I miss you!

If you emailed me in the past and I didn't email you back it might be because "hanmail" sometimes doesn't receive "yahoo" emails.

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me in my new winter coat (I'm not talking about my jacket but the 5 new pounds I've gained....keeping me warm...)

and 7 more days and counting! Oh yeah!!!!!! And 7 days of Christmas and my true love gave to me....

9 more days! let me count the ways...

on a different note, it's snowed like crazy here. Everything looks like it's covered with white frosting....pictures are coming soon.

11 more days! Yee-ha!

two more classes and one more week....

two more papers and two presentations....