Recent inspiring thought: "I'm most myself when I'm walking in the Spirit because I was made for fellowship with God." a rough quotation of Pastor Young-ho

I've been under such a weight this last week. Mostly feeling pain over how my job has become something to get done instead of a way to love and serve people. I came back from the church B-B-Q and took a nap perhaps trying to avoid facing this load of sadness. But when I got up I knew I finally had to face it...what kept me from really plowing through it earlier this week was the excuse, "It's too much to work through right now. I'll pray about it later." That excuse just causes more problems and it seems to be a frequent excuse of mine. So after my nap I spent a couple hours journaling and praying. I think I worked through it to a pretty satisfactory point. I really wanted to cry though because I know I needed to. But for some reason I wasn't able to hit close enough.

I think I've decided that I hate writing essays for grad-school applications. I suppose it shouldn't be but it's so mind-numbingly boring. Yes, that would be one of the key words I would use to describe my day: tedious, boring and inefficient. I've been sitting here in my living room all day trying to type out my vocational goals in a coherent and professional manner. What's so hard about that!!!! I have no idea. Please give me a call if you know. Because it takes me stinking foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I suppose I have about two paragraphs more to write for it but this is just my rough draft and it needs a lot of work. *very annoyed sigh* The bummer thing about this is that I could have written this essay a long time ago had I realized during my winter vacation that I would be this serious about Biola. It makes me wonder was I just not listening to God? I remember being close to filling out the Biola application but then I thought, "na, I'm not that serious about that program". It also didn't help that at that time I was in work visa HELL trying to work out the very strange, elusive problems with my work visa. Well, whatever the case I have come to feel very sure that SIT is not the right program for me and as far as I can see Biola is ideal.

It seems I always get inspired to write poetry at the most inopportune moments. I often become pensive and over-flowing with emotion when I'm grading or doing office work. Countless times I've scribbled poems all over the back of some student's old homework or an old department notice as I work. Ironic-isn't it? That I get inspired while I'm doing something I despise and that is totally contrary to my nature. I'll be working away and then unexpectedly I start sinking into some emotion that I haven't had a chance to dig into. Then suddenly there's a direct line to my heart and I can try to squeeze the juice out of that feeling while it's in me or I can go back to correcting grammar. So often I end up grabbing a piece of paper and jotting down what comes out. Case in point. Here's today's spillage from grading boring paragraphs...

E G H
I once knew a man
what a conundrum
a stern, illegible face
unflinching stability
the absence of emotion

but in his eyes you could see the secret
eyes that smolder like coals
giving away an intensity well-hidden
under layers of cold, sheer rock

a fountain of surprises
perched in his tower
surrounded by ever expanding green rice fields

can you see the warm light flooding out of his round window?
he's pouring over his books late into the night, no doubt
grasping for his image of stability, of approval, of success
with his unquenchable, quiet passion

can I climb the never-ending spiraling staircase
up and up to where you are?

there you are in your white tower
studying in the golden light of your womb
immersed in the black ink of the sky
in your solitary tower

putting out the fire that burns in your soul
throwing sand on the unpredictability of who you are

you are E G H

oxymoron, contradiction, paradox

the one I always wanted to reach
but still I stand alone
in the echoing darkness of the rice fields below you
always outside your tall tower
gazing up at the warm light of your window

So many things have happened lately that it's like holding back a flood writing here. Where to begin? It looks like I've totally changed directions as far as where I'm going to grad-school. I feel the Lord has led me away from SIT and I'm applying to go to Biola in the fall at this very minute. (That’s actually what I should be doing right now.) Another big change is that I've decided to change from a MA in TESL to a MA in Intercultural Studies with an emphasis on TESL. The last week and a half has been a whirlwind of anxiety, prayer and relief. Many times this week I've been suspended in uncertainty looking down upon my once stable, certain career plan. But you know, I'm growing to welcome that. May all my dreams come to ashes, that His dreams may be birthed and bloom from that death! The most recent phrase on my lips has been, "Whatever you want, Lord, I'll do it! Just show me!" By the way, that's a great phrase to constantly repeat and adjust your heart to when you're seeking your next step.

It's also looking like I'm going to be going to Central Asia again on another missions trip. This is totally God's idea. I'm wishy-washy about it but I think it's what He wants. So here I go again on another challenging adventure. The two main thoughts driving this latest mission trip are, "Do you only attempt for God what you can do in your own ability or do you attempt things that only God can do?" and "Dream His dreams, live His love".

more to come...

I'm so excited and enthralled right now I'm actually drooling. (ok, not really but I am really excited right now.)

1. I've been finding a lot of "old school" blogs lately. Blogs of people from my college and/or my past. This is an extremely pleasing discovery for me because for quite a while it felt like all of my friends in the US were completely out of touch with the online movement. (blogger, on-line journal...duh!? What's that?) My on-line community consisted of friends I've met in the last two years (who I adore, of course) and just a couple "old school" friends. (Ro and uhhh...Ro) Which was sad for me because one of the things that caused me to be interested in this form of communication was that I was so often living in different countries, thus always separating from friends. It's also so amazing to hear these voices and places from the past come to life once again through the written word. Before the blogs I usually randomly clicked on(links on other friends' blogs) were results of someone else's past, someone else's friendships. But when I click on multnomah blogs like these (Hutch,Tre), I'm reminded of my own past even though I might not know some of these people. There are people that come from a background similar to mine actually on-line! Wow.

2. Speaking of "old school"!!!! I've found David Johannes' on-line journal! David Johannes, David Johannes... Wow, the memories he brings back. The last time I saw him was during the summer of 1997 at Carrie and Ryan Miller's wedding. We were both in the wedding party. Man, we had a blast goofing around and playing the guitar while Carrie's family was frantically preparing for the wedding around us. I still have a pic of Dave and I jumping in the air while kicking our heels together "Irish jig" style. At that time Dave had a passion for China, if I remember rightly he was taking Chinese classes even at that time. He had brought this Belgian non-Christian guy with him to Carrie's house that he had met in his Chinese class. I remember we had interesting talks with that Belgian guy. I also vaguely remember Dave mentioning a girl that also had a passion for China and now I just found out they're married.

But I can go back even further than that. I remember the first time I talked with Dave. Was I his phone counselor at Teen Mania? I can't remember exactly. But I'm sure that I first met him over the phone. I was a 95-96 intern at Teen Mania and he was going to be a 96-97 intern. He was preparing to start the internship in January, so he was probably calling to ask some questions. All I remember from that conversation was that I was supposed to encourage him but he ended up encouraging me more than I encouraged him. And he wasn't even in the internship yet! Then I remember clearly Dave passionately pacing up and down with the phone glued to his ear as he prayed for teenagers raising money to go on summer missions trips with Teen Mania. Yes, Dave and I worked in the good ole' call center at Teen Mania where our job was to basically function as telemarketers for Teen Mania. A job that many interns easily got discouraged by because of its monotonous non-stop calling pace. But I truly remember looking over at Dave's eager, intense face and being challenged not to give up.

Now I've found this voice from the past once again on-line and once again I am challenged and encouraged by his life. Today he's blazing a trail in China with his wife and I'm so excited to once again be connected to his ministry.

I love on-line journaling...

random question: Why do people tend not to comment on serious entries (myself included) like the entries before this one but people easily comment on light, goofy ones (like the entries I usually write)?

"As unimaginable as it seems, slavery and bondage still persist today. Millions of people around the world still suffer in silence in slave-like situations of commercial sexual exploitation from which they cannot free themselves. Trafficking in persons is one of the greatest human rights challenges of our time. It is, as the International Labour Organization (ILO) points out, the "underside of globalization."'

Why?

"Traffickers exploit the aspirations of those living in poverty and those seeking better lives. They use dramatic improvements in transportation and communications to sell men, women, and children into situations of forced labor and sexual slavery with virtually no risk of prosecution."

A perfect example of this "no risk of prosecution" is Mr. Tom Peters of the documenatry "Easy Prey". He is the British man that I refered to in my May 3rd entry that was doing unspeakable things with young boys in Romania and using them as a sex business for Westerners. But when the documenary came out he wasn't arrested but easily traveled to another country and was just put on a "sex offender" list. Read this very informative report from the U.S. State Department. Don't just turn away but be informed about "the underside" of our riches: one of the greatest human rights challenges of our time.

I had a feeling this was going to happen. This last week I had started to doubt if it was God's will for me to go to SIT this fall. I started to question this because I started to get the feeling that I wasn't going to be accepted. I had interviewed with one of the faculty three and a half weeks ago and had still not heard any response concerning my acceptance. I had been told by the faculty member that I would hear from the school within 2 weeks. So for the last couple days I had been really praying and asking God for his direction. Just a couple days ago I read in the "Experiencing God" workbook, "If you've been praying about something and God answers your prayer in a different way then you expected then follow God in that and adjust your life to God." When I read that I thought, "that's about SIT". So from that point on I started thinking in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to be accepted.

Then last night I was praying and thinking about grad school this fall. I read again in "Experiencing God" this great advice, "If you are in a time of decision pray this prayer as you seek his will 'Lord, whatever your will is I will do it. I make this commitment even before you show me your will.'" Last night I realized that even if I am accepted to SIT that maybe I need to give that up. I realized that I need to step back and ask for God's direction about grad school again. I wish I could just know where I am going and what my next step is. I'm tired of giving people ambiguous replies about my next step. However, I realized last night that this part of faith, trusting God in that time of indecision. So last night I entrusted it to God again and said I was even okay just not knowing. Then this morning I walked in to my office and checked my email. There it was. The acceptance email from SIT. So I've been accepted but now I'm not even sure if I'm going.

Last night I thought this might happen....

It's 1 in the morning and I can't sleep. Sunday night I stayed up until 4 in the morning making two tests for Monday's classes. Before I had started making the tests, I had watched that child sex trade documentary. So as I was making the tests, I was totally preoccupied.

Then when I went sleep at 4 am, right away I started to dream about the documentary. I was still dreaming about it when I was woken up by my alarm clock.

In my dreams I was there somehow with those boys telling them that "he" the trafficker was going to get caught, that there was hope for them and that they should get away from here and on and on.

While making my tests, I decided that I had to do something for them. I had to take action somehow. So I decided that I would fast for them on Monday. I wanted to fast for them as a symbol of my grief and hope for them. A symbol of their plight and a symbol that I'm not looking away from this situation. I also felt that prayer is one of the most powerful weapons at my disposal.

So today I fasted (juice fasted) for them and I was delirious. I was so tired because of both the lack of food and sleep. However, I didn't care I said to myself this is a reminder of what they go through everyday. This reminds me of what it's like to have no safe place to sleep and no food in your belly.

Specifically in the case of the Romanian child sex industry it's the homeless children that often get forced into it because if they cooperate with these Westerners they suddenly have food in their stomachs, money in their pockets and a place to sleep. Even though they don't want to degrade themselves, this can start to look attractive after months of wandering the streets hungry.

I couldn't get these children (actually young teenagers) out of my mind all day. I kept seeing scenes from the documentary and hearing quips from the children.

At one point the director treated a group of these homeless Romanian boys that he had been interviewing to a movie. After the Harry Potter movie, he asked them how they like it. One boy about 13 said he liked it because Harry Potter wasn't afraid. The director asked him if he was afraid. The boy said, "a little" with a sheepish expression.

This particular boy had been forced into a room by a German man and then for some reason the police busted into the apartment so the German man threw the boy out the window. The German man wanted to get rid of the "evidence" that he had been breaking the law.

Another scene from the documentary that haunts me is the footage of one of the Romanian boys sniffing glue, crying and mumbling in his high delirium by the side of the street with the voice of the narrator in the background saying, "this life is destroying him".

Before I broke my fast, I lit a candle for them as a symbol that I remember them and prayed my last prayers of the fast for them. After this I decided to mark May 3rd in my calendar as the day that I remember and pray for all the victims of the booming sex trade industry in the industrializing world.

I'm writing this because I can't sleep. I'm hoping writing this down is going to enable me to go to sleep. Actually, tonight I went to bed at 8 in the evening because I was so exhausted. I later woke up at 10 pm and I haven' t been able to sleep since then which makes me sad because I'm going to be super tired again tomorrow.

good night....

Dear sicko child sex trafficker,
I hope you burn in hell forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. But before you do I hope some how miraculously you receive a heart of flesh instead of that black, pus-filled heart that you have right now; so that you'll writhe in pain over the precious lives that you used like some sex toy, exploited and then threw away. I hope you suffer as these children did. These children that you stripped of dignity and humanity in the midst of their blossoming, uncertain youth. These children that you found in their poverty and instead of helping them in their weakness; you used them in the most degrading way possible then you made money off them. You're not worthy of hell! I hope there is somewhere special for sickos like you!!

Dear children,
Words can not speak to your pain and to the anger you must feel. But the truth is you may be beyond caring, so hardened and programmed to see it as acceptable that you just numbly live your life. All I can say is, "I am sorry." I'm sorry that so many people turn their head away in apathy. I'm sorry that the Western world turns their head away from the unjust economic systems that they often help create and foster. But I will tell you this I'm not turning my head away. I'm grieving with you today. I'm weeping with you today. I see your pain and I will not forget it. I'm laboring for you in prayer today. I'm fighting for you. I know that there are many others that hear your cry and are fighting for you. Don't give up...

Tonight I watched a special CNN documentary called "Easy Prey: Inside the Child Sex Trade". One particularly troubling part was an undercover filming of discussions with a British man who ran an illegal website with pornographic pictures of young boys in Bucharest, Romania. He actually lived there in Bucharest and slept with all these boys then would advertise on his website for other Westerners to come on "child sex tours" in Bucharest. It was disgusting, especially, because at the time he thought he was speaking to a "customer" which was actually an undercover reporter. To hear him talking about these boys in such an inhumane way, like they were some kind of product. It has literally made me feel like throwing up off and on for the last couple hours.

I've just posted some new poems on my poetry page. Don't get depressed when you read them. :-)

I've been meaning to put this up somewhere. It's not quite a poem so I thought I'd put it here. I just wrote this on a scrap of paper one day when it hit me simultaneously that I had wasted a lot of time but that I was also sure that I never wanted to live like that again. The game was over. No more of that. Just total surrender from this time on.

All the time I wasn't with You
I was just wasting time

I see that now

I wasn't with You so I wandered
I lacked clarity, a steady direction

I see that now

My recent obsessions...
A soft petal of a boy at the orphanage where I volunteer and Rene Magritte's painting Lovers. My students have been working on an essay in which they should react to a photograph or painting of their choice. One of the girls in my class calls me over to ask me about one of the sentences in her essay. Her essay is about blind love among other things then I glance at the painting to better understand what she's trying to explain. I'm suddenly struck by this painting. I feel the meaning of this painting instantly. It transcends words, its feeling is absorbed into my mind. I'm in shock because I've never been impacted by a painting this way. This painting is about the nature of knowing, about intimacy, about being close and yet being so far away. At that moment I started to share with the writer of this essay and her student editor some of my thoughts. They told me, "Oh, we have a proverb about that. It's a Chinese proverb." They went on to quote it in English, "Two people in the same bed. (Still) dream different dreams." I walked around the rest of class in a haze. This painting echoes something in me I can't explain at this moment. Since then I've downloaded the painting onto my computer and have gazed at it daily wanting its meaning to turn into words in my mind.

Then there is my boy at the orphanage. I remember the first time I met him. I was helping a first time university student teach one of the classes at the orphanage. I know this class well. They are a group of wild karate chopping 2nd grade boys. I would often come last semester to help E-han try to control them. They are smart but you have to be extremely entertaining to keep their attention. There they were whirling around, jumping off desks and yelling like crazed indians as usual. But my boy was sitting silently holding his knees as the Korean university student translated for me, "Joyce teacher is going to do a review. You all were here last semester-right?" He yells out, "I wasn't!" in Korean. Later I realize he must be new to the orphanage. It seemed like he was checking out how things work. He hadn't learned yet that when the university students come from Handong you can run around like a maniac. I think when I fell in love with him was at one point in the lesson when we lost control for a spell and all the boys started running around. I looked over and he was laying on the ground with his hands under his head staring at the ceiling with a sad-dreamy look on his face totally unaware of the chaos around him. At that moment I knew he was feeling pain in the way children do. This kind of pain is too deep and profound for their tiny hearts to hold or understand. It's the pain of a loss so basic it can't be comprehended at 7 years old. The loss of simply not being loved by the two people that should have loved you most. I know this because I also was left by my parents. I went over to him and just laid beside him. We later became hug buddies. Later that night before I left the orphange he came over to me and just held onto me for a while. Since then every time I come to the orphanage he walks up to me and gives me a big minute long hug. He has now acclimated to orphanage life. When we come he runs around like a crazy man easily hitting and threatening other children. But when he turns to me he is still the sensitive, kind boy I remember the first day I met him. I'm often praying for him, worrying that all the kindness is going to be crushed out of him in that survival of the fittest atmosphere at the orphanage. I often scheme about how I'm going to adopt him knowing all along it's foolishness....

Yellow dust, oh yellow dust*
why do you coat my desk and my monitor?
go back from whence you came
from the coast of China you flew in a giant yellow cloud
over many black heads, speaking languages unsaid
you flew over dirty streets and over asian style rooftops
through hills and rice fields
but you couldn't resist stopping at a university nestled in the hills by Hung-hey**
you had to spew your fine yellow sand all over a way-guk's*** desk

*yellow dust-some kind of environmental problem that causes yellow dust to be blown over from China to Korea every spring

**Hung-hey-small fishing village near my university

***Way-guk-foreigner in the Korean language

There has been a lot of political buzz on blogs lately. Understandably so. I've been thinking about the war and terrorism a lot lately, too. I'm planning on talking about that later. Hopefully, I'll get around to it. Speaking of political buzz. This a journal of a girl one year younger than me that has been doing humanitarian work in Iraq. Her passion is beautiful. I also recently read on James' blog that he's being sent to Iraq. (You're in my prayers James) The reality of that struggle just came one step closer.

Well, the real intention of this entry is to let you know some of my Uzbek mission trip pics are up, so take a look. :-)

Mixed emotions

central thought...
I'm so glad that I have a home in God. I place I can go when I feel unliked and out of control. A quiet place where I am loved. I m so glad I have a calm embrace that makes everything else stand still. When I walk out the door perhaps many people think I'm lame but I can go back there where I am just simply: known and loved.

chewing away at me...
I feel like some coating has been taken off my life, like God has just irrevocably washed away a part of the atmosphere of my life. I feel he's stripped some of my giftings away, some part of my personality away, so that I can see the false supports that have been holding up my life.

I'm kind of sad that my weekend of solitude is over. Sandy, Ro and I had originally planned to go to Seoul for this 3-day weekend but last minute that didn't work out. Then Sandy and Ro ended up opting to go to a national park, which would be cheaper and closer than Seoul. I, however, much to my surprise decided to stay home and be a hermit instead of go with them. Actually, I love being a hermit. Anyone that knows me well knows that I can be alone for days without any contact with humans and love it! I wouldn't love it forever but I love it for periods of time. Some of my favorite times in university were my drives from San Diego to Portland twice each summer. At first my friends and I thought I would go crazy being 18 hours in my car alone. I ended up eating it up and after one trip I didn't want anyone to come with me on the next one. ;-) The drive is incredibly beautiful cutting through southern Oregon's plush countryside and Northern Californian's mountains. It stays beautiful until the middle of California then it starts to get flat and desert like. But nonetheless I loved it, being alone with my thoughts. Being totally anonymous. I found that my thoughts would go through a pattern. First, I would think about the more immediate. The people I just left, the papers I just finished. Then after hours of sifting through that my mind would start to drift to deeper things. I would start pondering meaning, culture, life. Then my mind would drift into my own life, start to take the wrapping off different experiences, feelings and after hours of trees whipping by me I would start to untie knots in my mind. I remember slowly making peace with people, with situations during those many hours in my cream-colored Toyota. Those times are also full of memories of fellowship with my invisible passenger: Jesus. My prayers became thoughts and my thoughts became prayers all through those hours. I remember once when driving through the mountains in June I was so struck with the beauty of the scene before me that I pulled my car over to the side of the thin mountain road and sang in worship, "Mountains bow down and the sea shall roar at the sound of your Name!!!" That's a sweet memory.

I also had one of my scariest moments on one of these trips but I still can't help but look back at it with fondness. It was my first time driving up to Portland and it was the only time I did it during the winter. I made the mistake of choosing to ascend into the mountains close to nightfall. Being an amateur driver of this route I didn't realize that if I didn't sleep at the hotel at the foot of the mountains that I wouldn't have another chance to pull over for at least an hour. It was a skinny two-way road and my only companions were semi-trucks that like to hog the road and go faster than me up the steep incline. It became scary when the rain started to pour down and as I drove along at 40 miles an hour I literally couldn't see anything. What made it worse were the semi-trucks. I was going too slowly for them. They couldn't pass me, so they would just honk. I wanted to get off the highway so bad but every exit sign that I could make out said, "no services". I was really afraid that I was going to crash into something because it was raining so hard on that dark, slippery mountain road. I felt I had to keep driving though because there was nowhere to pull over and if I did pull over I was afraid that someone would hit me. So to prevent myself from panicking I repeated, "Jesus, help me" for about 45 minutes straight until I finally saw an exit sign that displayed the hotel symbol! I remember when I got out of my car I was so thankful for that small family owned hotel nestled in the middle of the mountains. I was shaking when I went to go check in but no one noticed. The next morning I took off for the last 7 hours of my trip to Portland and driving away from the hotel it started to snow. However, being the kook that I am I actually said out loud in my car, "ha, bring it on, I've just been through the mountains in a rainstorm!!!" The snow turned out to be no problem and I made it safely to Portland.

By the way, everything went well with that busy week I told you about on March 28th. Thanks for praying for me. I was really freaked out about speaking at the Wednesday chapel but I think it worked out well. If I do say so myself. :-0

You know I should change the name of my blog to something super eye-catching like, "where is my soul" or "International deep thoughts" so that when people see my blog on the blogger thing they'll click on it. Well, I guess that's a dumb idea and I'm just goofing around waiting for my student to show up. I'm going to be so relieved when I finally get some free-time tonight. Whoo-hooo! However, I've got to have 10 writing conferences with students tonight. I can't wait for those to be over! Then I'm free at last... doop-a-doop....bee-bop....thank God I'm free at last.

Man, I'm really sick right now. I feel miserable. I caught some cough thing Friday night and man, it brought me down quick. Unfortunately, I have an especially busy week because this week I'm starting to train the new members of MNE how to teach English at the orphanage. So I have two meetings with them this week in addition to speaking at the English Chapel this Wednesday. And Tuesday afternoon I'm supposed to have writing conferences with one of my sections and that really drains you. I'm worried I'm not going to have the energy for all this! So please pray for me!

Here's another quote from a different student's outline on the same topic. hehe This one makes me chuckle because of its witty insight.

"If you marry, you will regret it. If you don't marry, you will also regret it." Soren Kierkegaard

haha

I just read some random blogger writing about how she blogs too much for her own good. I totally hear that. There's nothing like blogging to suck you in from the stress you're supposed to be experiencing. For example, I should be stressed about editing my essay but of course instead I end up getting sucked into some random person's blog that has a hard time using any form of punctuation. But on to what I really want to talk about...

I want to share with you these amazing emails I've gotten from one of the students I had in Uzbekistan. God's really working in her life. Please pray for her. A couple days before our team left Uzbekistan we had a small church service in a house and invited the Uzbek students. After this service her and I went on a long walk and talked about God, religion, poetry and absolute truth. She shared with me about how she lays in her bed at night and wonders what is true. Her basic thesis was "there is one truth in the world I just don't know which truth it is, so I'm not going to take sides (as far as claiming a religious affiliation). Her family is traditionally Catholic but her country is mostly Muslim. Weeks after I left she sent me this email about her question "What is the truth?"

(I haven't changed anything about the following emails. For some reason she writes in caps lock.)
HELLO,MY DEAR FRIEND!
I'M SO GLAD TO HAVE A MASSAGE FROM YOU . THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME.
I'VE READ A BIBLE!!!!!!!!
I WAS SO SUPRISED WHEN I READ JOHN 14,6 ! THERE WAS AN ANSWER TO MY
QUESTION:"JESUS TOLD HIM,I'M THE TRUTH AND THE WAY....." THAT COULDN'T
BE!!!!! BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TO EXPLAIN ME JOHN 14,30 AND
31.PLEASE!


I'M FINE.LAST WEEK I WAS PRESENTED
WITH 50$ FOR MY "GREAT IMPROVEMENSIN
KOREAN!!!AND SPECIAL
WATH!!WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'LL WRIGHT YOU
SOON....


(This is a email she wrote me and the Uzbek team just yesterday. Praise God! Pray for her!)
HELLO,MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>HOW ARE YOU?WHAT IS THE KOREAN WEATHER LIKE?
>NOW WE HAVE VERY GOOD WEATHER IN COMPEARENCE WITH WHAT WE HAD A WEEK
AGO.!
>IT WAS SO TERRIBLE !BUT NOW SPRING'S ALREADY COME,SO I'M TOO HAPPY &
FEEL
>OK.AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?HOW DO YOU FEEL THESE DAYS?
>I HAS BEEN SO THOUGHTFUL LATELY!I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO ME.
>I'M BECOMING RELIGIOUS!THAT'S GOOD BUT VERY STRANGE,BECAUSE NOBODY
TAUGHT
>ME THE THINGS I THINK.I BEGAN TO SPEAK SO MUCH ABOUT GOD,SO EVEN MY
MOM
>SAID "YOU WOULD BE A GOOD CRISTIAN,DON'T YOU WANT TO COME TO CHURCH
WITH
>ME?"
>I'M A BIT COMPLICATED.MAY BE THE LAST SUNDAY WE MET HAS AFFECTED ME SO
>MUCH?! I DON'T KNOW,BUT ANYWAY I'M HAPPY & THANK GOD I HAVE MET YOU!
>I WOULD BE VERY GLAD IF YOU HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF.
> YOUR FRIEND
,KSENYA.................