News, news but sorry no booze....
Well, I just wanted to let you guys know that I might be doing my internship overseas, so that you won't be too surprised if it works out. For quite a while, I changed my mind everyday about the direction I wanted to go after my on-campus phase here was finished (May 19th-ish!). Mostly, I just wasn't sure the direction God wanted me to go in. I've known for quite a long time that I was eventually heading overseas as a long term Christian worker. I've wanted to go into full time work overseas for a while but feel the Lord had been telling me to wait.
A couple months ago I was debating if I should work with a secular nonprofit org or a Christian nonprofit org. But now it seems I've gotten a peace about moving towards what I really want to do.
Hmmm...this is all very cryptic. I guess that's because things are still in the works. But all that babbling was to say please pray for me as I seek God's will in all of this. I so easily try to take the reigns of my own life and I need your prayers and advice as I seek Him.
And the second bit of news is that I'm going to Montreal with some friends this weekend! (It's just a three hour drive...so we're seizing the day. ooh-la-la!)
Monday, February 27, 2006
This has been one hard year but even in the midst of my worrying and anxiety hope often still wells up in my heart. In my wrestling with self-absorption, self-pity and inertia, the certainty that I'm learning something, that I'm being trained shines quite beautifully in my mind. It's this idea that has really served as a turning point for me.
Life is challenging. Ministry that transforms people also transforms you in the process and as we've seen in many cheesy sci-fi movies transformation can be painful. When I've chosen to see this year with its various difficult circumstances through the lens of training, everything seems clearer. I feel tougher and more resilient.
I've cried a lot but I've also prayed my brains out. I've fought spiritually and won but also lost. But that is what the spiritual life is really about anyway. I've often felt like a failure this year but ironically these pressures have produced a brokenness that has reaped more earnest and consistent prayer than I've prayed in a long time. And then there's the hope that I'm walking out into new territory. When something dies in you, even though it's painful there is the excitement of the resurrection.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
This chick is sooo funny... How she personifies her animals reminds me of Ro. It just seems like a very Ro-ish thing to do.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
more random thoughts..
I think I'm getting sick. Even at 7:30pm I seriously considered going to bed because I was so tired.
It seems I often unwittingly live in places with activist/socialist leanings. Even though I don't see myself as fitting that mold entirely at all, it seems that I must be one deep down as I always end up in areas like that. (ex. Portland, Vermont)
I was reading some of my poems online tonight and realized that I haven't posted any since 2004. It's not that I haven't written any poems in the last year because I have. It's just that...it seems I've hit a wall with my poetry.Most of my poetry over the last couple years seems like a broken record to me. It's always the same thing. It's like I'm trying to get past something but instead I just keep repeating the same theme. And for my journal that's okay because that's the way I deal with my raw emotions. But I haven't posted any of it because most of it annoys me. hmmmmm....
Check this movie out....
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Weird. Right now blogger isn't showing the comments I made under my pictures. Anyway, the snowmanless house is where I live right now. It's my Vermonter house. :-)
Right now I'm actually staying with
If you look at my "more pics" link you'll see some new pics I've recently uploaded. (sorry no pics of sandy's bump yet)
You know one thing the West coast has down? Clean bathrooms. And something amazing and oh so novel here on the East coast-paper seat covers. Apparently this beautiful invention has not occurred to the East coast because they don't have them in any bathroom (except for maybe the airport)! So the result is lovely pee covered toilets everywhere. Even the nicer places.
Vonderful.
So that's one pleasant surprise whenever I go home to CA-wow, the bathrooms aren't landmines of grossness that I have to navigate with utmost care lest I catch some disease!
Monday, February 13, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
random thoughts...
Amazed and awed as I realized how far we've really come as women. When my grandfather was born women were still fighting to vote in England. Wyoming was the forerunner giving women voting rights in 1869! I said 1869!
That's really not that long ago when measured in life times. Just a couple generations ago. People my grandmother knew (her grandmother, aunts) lived when women were struggling for the right to vote. It's wild when you think about it. My grandmother's life has contained interactions with people from both that time and our current time period.
Saudi Arabia still doesn't allow women to vote!
I was thinking the other day how bizarre it is that Memoirs of a Geisha has all the actors and actresses speaking in broken English with a supposed Japanese accent. It's weird if you think about it. We're watching a story that is supposedly set in Japan and in reality they would be speaking in Japanese but instead they're speaking in broken English. Like that's supposed to make it more authentic! haha!
Wouldn't it be funny if the tables were turned? A movie about some historical period in the US like the Civil War with "real "American actors speaking broken Japanese! How bizarre that would be. hmmmm....what does that reveal to us about power and language, my fellow space cadets?
I had a sudden sadness surge (S.S.S. according to the american psychological society...okay, I'm just joking about that last part...don't be so gullible!) when I was reading through an article on the nuclear arms race. Particularly when I came to a chart titled "the cold war: navigate through history."
I had been pretty peppy up to that point but after reading through the lists of conflicts categorized into the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and today. I wanted to just lay my head down and squeeze some tears out.
But I just sighed and thought “I just don't get it”. I read every day about revolution, social justice, power to the people and standing up for the marginalized, the oppressed....yadddaaaa, yadddaa!
And I so often want to ask these same people that spout these noble ideas, what or who are we fighting against? Who is the big bad "they" that we so often refer to? Because the same people that yell themselves hoarse don't believe in evil. We are all groovy. Like in "we are the world".
But that's what I don't get.
When I trace the cheery chart of conflicts over the last 50 years, I know the "they" I'm fighting against is not out there somewhere. But is the face staring back at me in the mirror. That "they" is all of us. That's what I want to hear more about, Che. Sorry, buddy but that revolution is not enough. I...we need a deeper, more fundamental revolution.
Amazed and awed as I realized how far we've really come as women. When my grandfather was born women were still fighting to vote in England. Wyoming was the forerunner giving women voting rights in 1869! I said 1869!
That's really not that long ago when measured in life times. Just a couple generations ago. People my grandmother knew (her grandmother, aunts) lived when women were struggling for the right to vote. It's wild when you think about it. My grandmother's life has contained interactions with people from both that time and our current time period.
Saudi Arabia still doesn't allow women to vote!
I was thinking the other day how bizarre it is that Memoirs of a Geisha has all the actors and actresses speaking in broken English with a supposed Japanese accent. It's weird if you think about it. We're watching a story that is supposedly set in Japan and in reality they would be speaking in Japanese but instead they're speaking in broken English. Like that's supposed to make it more authentic! haha!
Wouldn't it be funny if the tables were turned? A movie about some historical period in the US like the Civil War with "real "American actors speaking broken Japanese! How bizarre that would be. hmmmm....what does that reveal to us about power and language, my fellow space cadets?
I had a sudden sadness surge (S.S.S. according to the american psychological society...okay, I'm just joking about that last part...don't be so gullible!) when I was reading through an article on the nuclear arms race. Particularly when I came to a chart titled "the cold war: navigate through history."
I had been pretty peppy up to that point but after reading through the lists of conflicts categorized into the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and today. I wanted to just lay my head down and squeeze some tears out.
But I just sighed and thought “I just don't get it”. I read every day about revolution, social justice, power to the people and standing up for the marginalized, the oppressed....yadddaaaa, yadddaa!
And I so often want to ask these same people that spout these noble ideas, what or who are we fighting against? Who is the big bad "they" that we so often refer to? Because the same people that yell themselves hoarse don't believe in evil. We are all groovy. Like in "we are the world".
But that's what I don't get.
When I trace the cheery chart of conflicts over the last 50 years, I know the "they" I'm fighting against is not out there somewhere. But is the face staring back at me in the mirror. That "they" is all of us. That's what I want to hear more about, Che. Sorry, buddy but that revolution is not enough. I...we need a deeper, more fundamental revolution.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Thank you, Jesus, for when I don't have technical difficulties because when I do have them it's super annoying! Like right now. Randomly explorer is doing the weirdest stuff.
Anyway, life has been surprisingly busy. Last semester the first 4 weeks of class were low demand-not the case this semester. I'm also starting to feel a bit pressured about applying to internships. There are just too many options! I am feeling somewhat paralyzed by the myriad of directions I could go in. But I'm working on that and just this morning I was reminding myself just to take everything one step at a time.
Which brings me to some hook-ups I need from YOU! Yes, you staring at my lovely blogola. I'm going to be taking a one week citizen advocacy class in DC Feb. 13th through the 17th. Does anybody know anyone in the nonprofit sector that I could chat with about the scene in DC? Church connections, your impressions of the culture of DC, or just info in general is also welcome.
But back on the farm, life is good off campus. I'm LOVING it. It's really making me realize what a cool little town Brattleboro is. My house is a five minute walk away from downtown with all its artsy stores, coffee shops and breweries.
Fun...I am one with the city. ooooommmmm....
Anyway, life has been surprisingly busy. Last semester the first 4 weeks of class were low demand-not the case this semester. I'm also starting to feel a bit pressured about applying to internships. There are just too many options! I am feeling somewhat paralyzed by the myriad of directions I could go in. But I'm working on that and just this morning I was reminding myself just to take everything one step at a time.
Which brings me to some hook-ups I need from YOU! Yes, you staring at my lovely blogola. I'm going to be taking a one week citizen advocacy class in DC Feb. 13th through the 17th. Does anybody know anyone in the nonprofit sector that I could chat with about the scene in DC? Church connections, your impressions of the culture of DC, or just info in general is also welcome.
But back on the farm, life is good off campus. I'm LOVING it. It's really making me realize what a cool little town Brattleboro is. My house is a five minute walk away from downtown with all its artsy stores, coffee shops and breweries.
Fun...I am one with the city. ooooommmmm....
Saturday, January 21, 2006
I've moved into a classic Vermont house. It's a hundred years old, has a bathtub with clawed feet, squeaky doors with huge key holes and drafty wood floors.
Yes, I'm renting a room from an elderly woman that watched all six of her children grow up in this house and then move out. She lived here with her husband until he passed away twenty years ago. Lots of memories in this house...yup, that's for sure.
So far living off campus is absolutely marvelous but it has only been about three hours since my friends and I hauled all my crap up these stairs. :-)
Yes, I'm renting a room from an elderly woman that watched all six of her children grow up in this house and then move out. She lived here with her husband until he passed away twenty years ago. Lots of memories in this house...yup, that's for sure.
So far living off campus is absolutely marvelous but it has only been about three hours since my friends and I hauled all my crap up these stairs. :-)
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Dang, even wikipedia has a section on the emerging church. This is also a really funny and enlightening (definitely going to read some of the books listed) critique of emerging churches.
Okay, going to bed. Leaving for Vermont bright and early!
Okay, going to bed. Leaving for Vermont bright and early!
Friday, January 13, 2006
what a sparse blogger i've been since i've been home in the CA. all my entries since the beginning of the break can fit on one page. that's a first.
yeah, it's been really busy. i've hardly been home. it's been more like my gram's house has been "my base" as i've been out hanging out and catching up with people about 85% of the time. it's been good but I would have liked a little more down time. By the time I got back from Portland I had definitely had enough of sleeping at different people's houses. Seriously, maybe I'm a closet introvert.
well, i'm gearing up to go back to Vermont early Sunday morning. i've been really afraid of going back most of the break but now that it's drawing near I'm feeling braver. it's been such a mixed bag at that crazy school. On one hand, i love what i'm learning and i never regret going there but on the hand there are so many things that frustrate and terrify me about being there.
Potential failure, rejection seem to loom around every corner. People are ultraliberal, oversensitive, reactionary and often illogical when it comes to debating issues.
Underneath it all something scarier moves and drifts just below the surface of my consciousness like an indiscernible creature in murky waters. What is it the squinting fishermen ask. It's....me or rather what I fear most about myself. The fears and insecurities that threaten to swallow me, that seem to have a life of their own and without much notice fight to take over my life.
Who has control of my life?
Lord, You do. Please help me....I really don't know if I can do it.....
yeah, it's been really busy. i've hardly been home. it's been more like my gram's house has been "my base" as i've been out hanging out and catching up with people about 85% of the time. it's been good but I would have liked a little more down time. By the time I got back from Portland I had definitely had enough of sleeping at different people's houses. Seriously, maybe I'm a closet introvert.
well, i'm gearing up to go back to Vermont early Sunday morning. i've been really afraid of going back most of the break but now that it's drawing near I'm feeling braver. it's been such a mixed bag at that crazy school. On one hand, i love what i'm learning and i never regret going there but on the hand there are so many things that frustrate and terrify me about being there.
Potential failure, rejection seem to loom around every corner. People are ultraliberal, oversensitive, reactionary and often illogical when it comes to debating issues.
Underneath it all something scarier moves and drifts just below the surface of my consciousness like an indiscernible creature in murky waters. What is it the squinting fishermen ask. It's....me or rather what I fear most about myself. The fears and insecurities that threaten to swallow me, that seem to have a life of their own and without much notice fight to take over my life.
Who has control of my life?
Lord, You do. Please help me....I really don't know if I can do it.....
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I'm much better now. It ended up being food poisoning which I 'spose is better than the flu.
I'm in Portland now. Recently got back from Crystal's wedding festivities. Her wedding was beautiful, original and on the fly. She asked me over the phone as I was driving to the church if I could read some scripture during the service. This was fifteen minutes before the service was starting. ;-) Pictures to come….
Okay, need my sleep to prevent people overload syndrome.
I'm in Portland now. Recently got back from Crystal's wedding festivities. Her wedding was beautiful, original and on the fly. She asked me over the phone as I was driving to the church if I could read some scripture during the service. This was fifteen minutes before the service was starting. ;-) Pictures to come….
Okay, need my sleep to prevent people overload syndrome.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Oh man, what am I going to do? I've suddenly come down with this stomach sickness and I'm leaving on a plane for Portland tomorrow. Bad, bad timing. I've been nauseous all day. Then my stomach finally had enough a couple hours ago and ejected everything I've eaten today which is basically nothing.
What am I going to do? If I don't improve, I could be a nightmare to sit with on the plane. :-) I think I'm getting sick again....heading for the bathroom.
Pray for me!
What am I going to do? If I don't improve, I could be a nightmare to sit with on the plane. :-) I think I'm getting sick again....heading for the bathroom.
Pray for me!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Happy after Christmas and Happy post B-day!
Thanks for all your b-day love! I'm starting my 23rd year of life (ah-hem!) with lots of love.
Anywho, just wanted to let you all know before I jetted over to my oldest old school homie's (alison and her three beautiful offspring) house that "I'm coming up....I want the world to see..." You know that song-right?
Well, I'm coming up to LA around the 30th and probably staying until the 2nd. So give me a holla if you want to hang out.
Thanks for all your b-day love! I'm starting my 23rd year of life (ah-hem!) with lots of love.
Anywho, just wanted to let you all know before I jetted over to my oldest old school homie's (alison and her three beautiful offspring) house that "I'm coming up....I want the world to see..." You know that song-right?
Well, I'm coming up to LA around the 30th and probably staying until the 2nd. So give me a holla if you want to hang out.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Wireless is splendid. I'm waiting at Bradley Airport in Hartford and checking my email for free. It's amazing how quickly technology is developing. A couple years ago this would have been a foreign concept for me. What's going to be next? What will I be taking for granted in the next couples years that would amaze me now?
I've escaped from my life of drudgery and I'm out in the open. Yes, sailing away with gleeeeeee, babeeeee! How's that for alliteration. Oh-jah! Unfortunately, I've had to sail away with some homework still to complete but I'll get it done in the next couple days.
I've escaped from my life of drudgery and I'm out in the open. Yes, sailing away with gleeeeeee, babeeeee! How's that for alliteration. Oh-jah! Unfortunately, I've had to sail away with some homework still to complete but I'll get it done in the next couple days.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
ONE DAY AWAY!! And I can't make myself work. This is getting bad.
Yeah, and I'm wondering what's it all about. Will I ever break out of the chains that bind me? ...my self doubt.
Enough melodramatic proclamations as I listen to cheesy Backstreet Boys music....and the reason I'm listening-you ask. This SOO funny video made by these Chinese students. Man, this brings me to tears. These guys have a future in acting. Can't you see them in Kung Fu Hustle? (which is a really good movie by the way)
Note: Talking about this stuff somehow reminds me of when I was happy and I wasn't trapped in this dungeon of a school. Oh no, I'm being melodramatic again.
Well, so finding this video on Allen's blog also caused me to discover the whole world of googlevideo. Amazing! You can upload your videos for the world to see for free. So finally I can upload some of my videos to my blog. So Ro and Pohang girls I'm sorry but yes, you're going to be stars. :-) hehe
Coming soon....
"Taekwondo Adventures"
yes, cheesy but true......
Yeah, and I'm wondering what's it all about. Will I ever break out of the chains that bind me? ...my self doubt.
Enough melodramatic proclamations as I listen to cheesy Backstreet Boys music....and the reason I'm listening-you ask. This SOO funny video made by these Chinese students. Man, this brings me to tears. These guys have a future in acting. Can't you see them in Kung Fu Hustle? (which is a really good movie by the way)
Note: Talking about this stuff somehow reminds me of when I was happy and I wasn't trapped in this dungeon of a school. Oh no, I'm being melodramatic again.
Well, so finding this video on Allen's blog also caused me to discover the whole world of googlevideo. Amazing! You can upload your videos for the world to see for free. So finally I can upload some of my videos to my blog. So Ro and Pohang girls I'm sorry but yes, you're going to be stars. :-) hehe
Coming soon....
"Taekwondo Adventures"
yes, cheesy but true......
Friday, December 16, 2005
3 more days, baby!!!! Oh the ecstasy! hehe
If only I could close my eyes and then suddenly be on the plane. But alas I have to keep my eyes open, so I won't trip over an icicle and land face first in the snow. (otherwise you know, I'd maybe try keeping my eyes closed for the next 3 days)
Hardy-har-har-har-har..har, har!!
In other news, it's shaping up to be a busy Christmas break. But thank God, I think it's long enough that I'll still have time to reflect, read and send out resumes.
It's looking like I'm going to be in Portland from the 5th-ish to the 11th-ish of January for my friend, Crystal's wedding. (Congrats, babe!) I'm still waiting on my sis to firm up the dates. She's hopefully going to come with me, so we can also work on some important family stuff while we're up there.
Then I'm going to be in LA sometime between the 19th of December and Jan. 5th. That's still in the works. I think I may go up a couple days before I leave for Portland. Here I am day dreaming about my vacation while I should be working on my paper.
hmmmm... bah-humbug!
oh, whoopsie...I'm going to do that tag thing soon, marg...
If only I could close my eyes and then suddenly be on the plane. But alas I have to keep my eyes open, so I won't trip over an icicle and land face first in the snow. (otherwise you know, I'd maybe try keeping my eyes closed for the next 3 days)
Hardy-har-har-har-har..har, har!!
In other news, it's shaping up to be a busy Christmas break. But thank God, I think it's long enough that I'll still have time to reflect, read and send out resumes.
It's looking like I'm going to be in Portland from the 5th-ish to the 11th-ish of January for my friend, Crystal's wedding. (Congrats, babe!) I'm still waiting on my sis to firm up the dates. She's hopefully going to come with me, so we can also work on some important family stuff while we're up there.
Then I'm going to be in LA sometime between the 19th of December and Jan. 5th. That's still in the works. I think I may go up a couple days before I leave for Portland. Here I am day dreaming about my vacation while I should be working on my paper.
hmmmm... bah-humbug!
oh, whoopsie...I'm going to do that tag thing soon, marg...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I'm on the homestretch, baby!! Oh yeah! Uh-huh! Oh yeah!
Four more days and then I'm taking offffffffffffffffff in a blaze of glory!!!! I'm almost over the giant stress mountain-one more paper and one more presentation. OHHHH yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to get away and reflect on my whole experience here thus far.
And it looks like someone put my blog address on Handong's i2 boards (the university I used to teach at) So "hi" wonderful Handong students!!!!!!!! I miss you!
If you emailed me in the past and I didn't email you back it might be because "hanmail" sometimes doesn't receive "yahoo" emails.
Four more days and then I'm taking offffffffffffffffff in a blaze of glory!!!! I'm almost over the giant stress mountain-one more paper and one more presentation. OHHHH yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to get away and reflect on my whole experience here thus far.
And it looks like someone put my blog address on Handong's i2 boards (the university I used to teach at) So "hi" wonderful Handong students!!!!!!!! I miss you!
If you emailed me in the past and I didn't email you back it might be because "hanmail" sometimes doesn't receive "yahoo" emails.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I hate to be a party pooper but I CAN'T WAIT until I'm out of here. I now have one week left after my class this Friday. Happy day! yeah, yeah! And as of this moment I have exactly 12 days until my plane is taking off.
I'm leaving on a jet plane!!! Can't wait till I'm out of here! la, la! Everybody sing along!
This is my new motto till I'm outta here:
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." - Jack Penn
I'm leaving on a jet plane!!! Can't wait till I'm out of here! la, la! Everybody sing along!
This is my new motto till I'm outta here:
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." - Jack Penn
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Stolen from http://www.phdcomics.com.com
Read this comic first. For some reason blogger won't let me change the order of my entries right now.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I've got two more weeks after this week.
I can see the light. I need to get out and clear my head. But the two and half weeks before me seem daunting. I'm dragging my feet. I'm constantly carrying the pressure of what I have left to do but I feel unmotivated to start it.
And right now I'm not doing too well emotionally, so that's not helping my homework motivation.
I can see the light. I need to get out and clear my head. But the two and half weeks before me seem daunting. I'm dragging my feet. I'm constantly carrying the pressure of what I have left to do but I feel unmotivated to start it.
And right now I'm not doing too well emotionally, so that's not helping my homework motivation.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
drama, drama, drama, dali lama...
my school is currently one giant pulsating stressball waiting to explode. Oh man, it's been crazy. practically every turn i take someone's reacting to something.
i was hoping it was calming down but then there was another drama in my theory and practice of sustainable development class today when some of the students from developing countries started sharing some of their frustrations in a not so helpful way. Then the class exploded with arguments (heated debates?) complete with one student walking out during class.
Oh lovely.
The problem is that even though i'm kind of okay and at least my homework load is not that bad at this current moment-stress is contagious. I really wish I was living off campus right now.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving! Get me out of here!
my school is currently one giant pulsating stressball waiting to explode. Oh man, it's been crazy. practically every turn i take someone's reacting to something.
i was hoping it was calming down but then there was another drama in my theory and practice of sustainable development class today when some of the students from developing countries started sharing some of their frustrations in a not so helpful way. Then the class exploded with arguments (heated debates?) complete with one student walking out during class.
Oh lovely.
The problem is that even though i'm kind of okay and at least my homework load is not that bad at this current moment-stress is contagious. I really wish I was living off campus right now.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving! Get me out of here!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Check out this great website that a friend of mine here put together. After finishing the Peace Corps in Mozambique, he went back and put together a program teaching kids photography skills. The kids' work and more details about the project are on this website.
I've got to finish this paper tonight. ahhhh! I can do it!
I've got to finish this paper tonight. ahhhh! I can do it!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
It's amazing how music can transport you to another time. Is there anything else that can resurrect the senses so poignantly?
As I was comparing prices of something mundane in the grocery store the other day, I suddenly became still. I tilted my ear towards the words barely audible above the bustle of the store, "dancing in the moonlight, everybody feeling warm and bright, it's such a fine and natural sight..."
I could instantly remember the feel of those days. I was struck with how clearly I could see that narrow cobblestone street, hear the sounds of the Flamenco teacher yelling in Spanish and the feverish taps of the dancers in the studio next to my apartment.
The regret, excitement and seduction of that time in Spain was flowing into my ears. Flashes of my friends and I dancing next to the river that runs through Seville. The air-warm and moist. Shimmering, gold light reflecting off the water. The open-air dirt dance floor wide open as 1am was still too early to dance. This song playing as I dance alone with a drink in my hand, my friends laughing.
Then I'm walking down that narrow alley thinking about him. I'm confused. I'm distracted... And this song whiffs through an open window serving as a short soundtrack as I walk anxious, giddy and then turn the corner.
It's remarkable how a song can instantly bring you back. But then you shake off the moment and walk to the check out.
As I was comparing prices of something mundane in the grocery store the other day, I suddenly became still. I tilted my ear towards the words barely audible above the bustle of the store, "dancing in the moonlight, everybody feeling warm and bright, it's such a fine and natural sight..."
I could instantly remember the feel of those days. I was struck with how clearly I could see that narrow cobblestone street, hear the sounds of the Flamenco teacher yelling in Spanish and the feverish taps of the dancers in the studio next to my apartment.
The regret, excitement and seduction of that time in Spain was flowing into my ears. Flashes of my friends and I dancing next to the river that runs through Seville. The air-warm and moist. Shimmering, gold light reflecting off the water. The open-air dirt dance floor wide open as 1am was still too early to dance. This song playing as I dance alone with a drink in my hand, my friends laughing.
Then I'm walking down that narrow alley thinking about him. I'm confused. I'm distracted... And this song whiffs through an open window serving as a short soundtrack as I walk anxious, giddy and then turn the corner.
It's remarkable how a song can instantly bring you back. But then you shake off the moment and walk to the check out.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
What an inspiring list.... http://www.selftaughtgirl.com/lifelist.html
I like #8, 9 and 10 but my fav is #17...
I like #8, 9 and 10 but my fav is #17...
In the library working on a paper comparing Dependency theory and Modernization theory's different perspectives on development. Very interesting. Here's a snippet of each to give you an idea of the issues:
Dependency theory is the body of social science theories by various intellectuals, both from the Third World and the First World, that create a worldview which suggests that the wealthy nations of the world need a peripheral group of poorer states in order to remain wealthy.
Modernization theory is a socio-economic theory, sometimes known as (or as being encompassed within) development theory, which highlights the positive role played by the developed world in modernizing and facilitating sustainable development in underdeveloped nations, often contrasted with dependency theory. It is also a part of the wider theme of theories in sociology, known as the sociocultural evolution.
Anyway, I'm flying home Dec. 16th for Christmas break. Yeah!!!! I can't wait to see Jewliet and Joshua not to mention a couple other people, too. :-) I also need to get away from this place. I'm learning a lot but it often feels really claustrophobic.
I ended up deciding to go to a local friend's place for thanksgiving instead of coming home. I just thought it was too short of a time and that's also a busy time of the semester. All my papers and projects are due in the two weeks after Thanksgiving.
Dependency theory is the body of social science theories by various intellectuals, both from the Third World and the First World, that create a worldview which suggests that the wealthy nations of the world need a peripheral group of poorer states in order to remain wealthy.
Modernization theory is a socio-economic theory, sometimes known as (or as being encompassed within) development theory, which highlights the positive role played by the developed world in modernizing and facilitating sustainable development in underdeveloped nations, often contrasted with dependency theory. It is also a part of the wider theme of theories in sociology, known as the sociocultural evolution.
Anyway, I'm flying home Dec. 16th for Christmas break. Yeah!!!! I can't wait to see Jewliet and Joshua not to mention a couple other people, too. :-) I also need to get away from this place. I'm learning a lot but it often feels really claustrophobic.
I ended up deciding to go to a local friend's place for thanksgiving instead of coming home. I just thought it was too short of a time and that's also a busy time of the semester. All my papers and projects are due in the two weeks after Thanksgiving.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I'm so tempted to go to San Diego for Thanksgiving. Should I, should I, oh should I??? Money, homework, time? hmmm.... I have to decide soon.
I would maybe fly into LA because in my price searches so far that would be almost a hundred dollars less. Then maybe I could take the train down after hanging out with some LAer friends...hmmmmmm....I'm leaning towards no but so tempting....
I would maybe fly into LA because in my price searches so far that would be almost a hundred dollars less. Then maybe I could take the train down after hanging out with some LAer friends...hmmmmmm....I'm leaning towards no but so tempting....
Sunday, October 23, 2005
I'm in
I needed a break from SIT so I decided to come down to
I was supposed to leave this morning to drive back to
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Girls and Boys, Men and Women....
Celebrate "Love Your Body" day!!!
Oct. 19th!!!
(It's just coincidence that I went off on these very issues yesterday. Seriously, today is love your bod day.)
http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/
Celebrate "Love Your Body" day!!!
Oct. 19th!!!
(It's just coincidence that I went off on these very issues yesterday. Seriously, today is love your bod day.)
http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Jean Kilborne is my new hero! Just got back from one of her lectures/media presentations at a college near my school. wow
Fascinating/disturbing analysis of the depiction of women in advertising. Really got me on my soapbox on the drive home.
This is one of those subjects I've got to blog about. I'm serious this time. No more empty promises. But meanwhile I've gotta go do some reading.... :-)
For info on the issues check out, "About Face" or Jean's resource list.
"About Face promotes positive self-esteem in girls and women of all ages, sizes, races and backgrounds through a spirited approach to media education, outreach and activism."
I should note that I don't necessarily agree with how they do everything but I thought the "make changes" link was helpful.
Fascinating/disturbing analysis of the depiction of women in advertising. Really got me on my soapbox on the drive home.
This is one of those subjects I've got to blog about. I'm serious this time. No more empty promises. But meanwhile I've gotta go do some reading.... :-)
For info on the issues check out, "About Face" or Jean's resource list.
"About Face promotes positive self-esteem in girls and women of all ages, sizes, races and backgrounds through a spirited approach to media education, outreach and activism."
I should note that I don't necessarily agree with how they do everything but I thought the "make changes" link was helpful.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Joshua report:
He's still in the hospital but they're pretty sure it's a viral infection and not the bacterial infection they were initially concerned about. He's breathing better but they still want to keep him overnight. I just talked to Andre and he said not to worry because Joshua is getting better.
I talked to Joshua for just a minute. He sounded terrible. It was heart wrenching to hear his small, sweet voice so raspy.
Thanks for praying.
He's still in the hospital but they're pretty sure it's a viral infection and not the bacterial infection they were initially concerned about. He's breathing better but they still want to keep him overnight. I just talked to Andre and he said not to worry because Joshua is getting better.
I talked to Joshua for just a minute. He sounded terrible. It was heart wrenching to hear his small, sweet voice so raspy.
Thanks for praying.
my sis called me early this morning from the hospital. my nephew is having problems breathing. They've been in the hospital all night. They're not sure what it is but right now they're saying it's possible it could be something serious. It could be a serious case of croup or be a rare bacterial infection. If it's the latter, it's more serious. hopefully, it's not the latter.
please pray for him and my sis's family today!!
please pray for him and my sis's family today!!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
ugh, i have so much reading. it's "ugh" because I want to read it all but I know I have to skim a lot of it. it's such interesting stuff. right now i'm reading a book that's totally ripping apart the idea of "development". it's kind of funny because um, that's my major! excuse me, buddy!
like my advisor said in our first meeting, this school tries to "deconstruct" the concept of development our first semester, then kind of rebuilds it the second semester. maybe i'm cocky but that doesn't threaten me at all. i don't have this pie-in-the-sky idea about society's ability to help itself.
anyway, whoops...i realized my post on constant gardener might have given the impression that it's a "feel good" movie. warning: it's not. in fact, it's a very troubling movie.
like my advisor said in our first meeting, this school tries to "deconstruct" the concept of development our first semester, then kind of rebuilds it the second semester. maybe i'm cocky but that doesn't threaten me at all. i don't have this pie-in-the-sky idea about society's ability to help itself.
anyway, whoops...i realized my post on constant gardener might have given the impression that it's a "feel good" movie. warning: it's not. in fact, it's a very troubling movie.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
my favorite prayer/meditation spot...
All these pics are the sights that I soak in as I jog on the dirt roads surrounding my campus. I wanted to put them up before the leaves all change.
I took these pics just last week and already this week a lot of trees are starting to turn their fall colors. (I hope to take lots of pics) I can't wait to see this area in all its beauty!
I love fall.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Constant Gardener is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time!! Absolute must see! Not only is the plot realistic and beautifully woven, its cinematography is fresh and genuine. Not to mention the acting is incredible!
Anyway, can you tell I loved the movie?
note: I just read Ebert's review of the movie and for the most part I totally disagree with his take on the movie. See the movie first then read the review because he'll give you the wrong spin on it in my humble opinion.
Anyway, can you tell I loved the movie?
note: I just read Ebert's review of the movie and for the most part I totally disagree with his take on the movie. See the movie first then read the review because he'll give you the wrong spin on it in my humble opinion.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Oh yeah, the homework is stacking up. Bring it on. This is going to be fun.
By the way, I've decided to study Russian to fulfill my language requirement here. So here I go once again, learning a language from ground zero. It's both exciting and daunting. What I'm both scared and excited about is learning to read a new alphabet. It's so amazing to be able to read a language with a script so different from your own.
I remember when I first read the word "ice cream" in Korean writing. I almost fell out of my chair!! "Oh my gosh! I just read that!!" It's an amazing experience. It gives you a different perspective on your own language.
Now Cyrillic script-that's a mixed bag. It's close enough to English that you think it's familiar but really many of the letters that look the same have a totally different sound. For example, the letter "p" in Russian sounds like the letter "r" in English. How confusing is that!
Thankfully, my goal at this point is just to familiarize myself with the language, so I can travel more easily in Central Asia and of course, fulfill my graduation requirements. I'm not trying to be an advanced speaker, so that kind of lifts the pressure off and just allows me to enjoy the process.
By the way, I've decided to study Russian to fulfill my language requirement here. So here I go once again, learning a language from ground zero. It's both exciting and daunting. What I'm both scared and excited about is learning to read a new alphabet. It's so amazing to be able to read a language with a script so different from your own.
I remember when I first read the word "ice cream" in Korean writing. I almost fell out of my chair!! "Oh my gosh! I just read that!!" It's an amazing experience. It gives you a different perspective on your own language.
Now Cyrillic script-that's a mixed bag. It's close enough to English that you think it's familiar but really many of the letters that look the same have a totally different sound. For example, the letter "p" in Russian sounds like the letter "r" in English. How confusing is that!
Thankfully, my goal at this point is just to familiarize myself with the language, so I can travel more easily in Central Asia and of course, fulfill my graduation requirements. I'm not trying to be an advanced speaker, so that kind of lifts the pressure off and just allows me to enjoy the process.
Monday, September 26, 2005
haha
Last night I got out of bed around 1am to tell my subwoofer loving next door dorm neighbor to please turn it off. It turns out this time that the rhythmic beats that were boom, boom, booming through the wall were actually her snores! haha I kept quietly knocking and then put my head against her door and realized that indeed she was snoring crazy loud. haha
Here at SIT people often ask me where I am from then always gasp and tell me how great San Diego is when I answer. You know, for some odd reason I've realized this slightly annoys me. I think it's because it happens again and again here. They start telling me about how great the weather is and about some touristy place they went to that I never go to. And I want to answer, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's overrated." haha
Last night I got out of bed around 1am to tell my subwoofer loving next door dorm neighbor to please turn it off. It turns out this time that the rhythmic beats that were boom, boom, booming through the wall were actually her snores! haha I kept quietly knocking and then put my head against her door and realized that indeed she was snoring crazy loud. haha
Here at SIT people often ask me where I am from then always gasp and tell me how great San Diego is when I answer. You know, for some odd reason I've realized this slightly annoys me. I think it's because it happens again and again here. They start telling me about how great the weather is and about some touristy place they went to that I never go to. And I want to answer, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's overrated." haha
Saturday, September 24, 2005
thoughts...
What if we physically reflected our emotional scars? Would I look around at this classroom of seemingly confident, mildly interested students and see a whole new truth?
People covered in scars. Some old and deep, others fresh and still bleeding? Then maybe I'd see them differently, with more empathy.
Maybe I'd look in the mirror and I'd gasp. If you could see the scars on my skin, there'd be no hiding.
What if we physically reflected our emotional scars? Would I look around at this classroom of seemingly confident, mildly interested students and see a whole new truth?
People covered in scars. Some old and deep, others fresh and still bleeding? Then maybe I'd see them differently, with more empathy.
Maybe I'd look in the mirror and I'd gasp. If you could see the scars on my skin, there'd be no hiding.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Well, I guess the honeymoon is over. Today I felt lonely. Lonely for my friends. Lonely because I'm tired of moving. But what can I say, at least at this point in my life-it's my fate to move frequently. But mostly I felt lonely because I'm tired of getting in impossible romantic relationships. *sigh* That also seems to be my fate. (*weak smile* cuz I know I'm being overly dramatic as usual)
Despite these inevitable feelings, I know good things are happening here and in many ways I couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.
One funny SIT cultural thing I've noticed here is that students generally don't complain that much or say anything negative for that matter. When my friends and I have started to share some of our negative feelings about the intensive Organizational Behavior class we're taking right now, we've ended up being really vague and looking at each other sheepishly.
I've also heard a couple people cut themselves off mid-sentence, "Oh...ah...I don't want to spread "bad energy"." I've never experienced this kind of implicit social pressure in a secular setting.
In fact, it's been my experience that at most academic institutions it's the favorite pass time of the students to complain about almost everything. So this is intriguing for me. I'm often analyzing what the roots of this mentality might be.
It's quite fascinating to be around a lot of humanistic do-gooders. It makes me think a lot about what really is the difference between them and I. We both have unusually strong senses of wrong and right, are willing to sacrifice the ease of Western life to help others and are passionate about speaking up on behalf of the oppressed/underserved.
After leaving a former peace corp volunteer's room that was covered with paraphernalia from Africa, I was struck by how much her passion was similar to a Christian missionary's passion. Just minus the Christian part. She's passionate about the people of Mozambique, passionate about seeing them succeed and planning on sacrificing to work with them.
So what's the difference between her and me? And all the others that are fighting for important causes here? Yeah, it goes back to what that guy brought up at orientation. "Where are we moving from and where are we going?" or said another way, "What's the problem and what can fix it?"
That's it. How her and I would answer this question-that's the difference between us. We might be doing a lot of the same things in our target countries but how we answer this question reveals how great the divide between us actually is.
If a person believes that corrupt social structures are the main problem, then working towards their end should be our goal. If lack of access to education and resources is at the heart of the problem, then once fair access is secured the problem will begin to dissolve.
Even though I believe in fighting for these issues, in my view the heart of the problem is always the state of the human heart and the only source of conclusive transformation is found in a restored relationship with our Maker.
Whew, anyway, I didn't mean to get into that right now. Especially being as I'm not in the state of mind to do the topic justice. Oh well.
In other news, amazingly there are a lot more Christians here than I thought there would be. We've been delighted to find each other and are trying to plan weekly prayer meetings to discuss issues like this.
okay good night....sorry this entry is all over the place...
Despite these inevitable feelings, I know good things are happening here and in many ways I couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.
One funny SIT cultural thing I've noticed here is that students generally don't complain that much or say anything negative for that matter. When my friends and I have started to share some of our negative feelings about the intensive Organizational Behavior class we're taking right now, we've ended up being really vague and looking at each other sheepishly.
I've also heard a couple people cut themselves off mid-sentence, "Oh...ah...I don't want to spread "bad energy"." I've never experienced this kind of implicit social pressure in a secular setting.
In fact, it's been my experience that at most academic institutions it's the favorite pass time of the students to complain about almost everything. So this is intriguing for me. I'm often analyzing what the roots of this mentality might be.
It's quite fascinating to be around a lot of humanistic do-gooders. It makes me think a lot about what really is the difference between them and I. We both have unusually strong senses of wrong and right, are willing to sacrifice the ease of Western life to help others and are passionate about speaking up on behalf of the oppressed/underserved.
After leaving a former peace corp volunteer's room that was covered with paraphernalia from Africa, I was struck by how much her passion was similar to a Christian missionary's passion. Just minus the Christian part. She's passionate about the people of Mozambique, passionate about seeing them succeed and planning on sacrificing to work with them.
So what's the difference between her and me? And all the others that are fighting for important causes here? Yeah, it goes back to what that guy brought up at orientation. "Where are we moving from and where are we going?" or said another way, "What's the problem and what can fix it?"
That's it. How her and I would answer this question-that's the difference between us. We might be doing a lot of the same things in our target countries but how we answer this question reveals how great the divide between us actually is.
If a person believes that corrupt social structures are the main problem, then working towards their end should be our goal. If lack of access to education and resources is at the heart of the problem, then once fair access is secured the problem will begin to dissolve.
Even though I believe in fighting for these issues, in my view the heart of the problem is always the state of the human heart and the only source of conclusive transformation is found in a restored relationship with our Maker.
Whew, anyway, I didn't mean to get into that right now. Especially being as I'm not in the state of mind to do the topic justice. Oh well.
In other news, amazingly there are a lot more Christians here than I thought there would be. We've been delighted to find each other and are trying to plan weekly prayer meetings to discuss issues like this.
okay good night....sorry this entry is all over the place...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Hey, if anybody uses msn messenger my new id is: "jatieness" if you want to add me. I used to use another id but found that so many of my Korean students were online that it was totally overwhelming each time I got on.
So maybe I'll use this one more often. Oh, I was so looking forward to blogging but somehow my blog time got away from me. Hopefully, soon....
So maybe I'll use this one more often. Oh, I was so looking forward to blogging but somehow my blog time got away from me. Hopefully, soon....
Thursday, September 08, 2005
One of the school buildings on campus :-)
I wish you guys could see what I see everyday. It's so beautiful here on campus.
So far I totally love it here and every day I'm so thankful I made the choice to enroll in this program even though it was a really scary decision.
The more I learn about my program and classes the more excited I get! It's going to be busy but so good. Classes start Monday. Hopefully, I'll write more this weekend when I'm not totally exhausted.
I already have questions and thoughts that I'd like to hash out a bit. In one of our orientation sessions a student asked a question that I think resonated with all of us, "SIT talks a lot about "social change" but my question is change from what and to what end."
And I thought this is where everything gets sticky because the goal of positive social change depends on your view of "what is good". This is where the arguments begin and where finding common ground between varying worldviews becomes a fine art. Anyway, enough mumbly, barely processed ideas.....and off to bed!
Monday, September 05, 2005
Well, well. Here I am in rustic, rural Brattleboro. Brattleboro has a unique, artsy feel. But man, it's the polar opposite of LA.
The campus of SIT resembles the set of Anne of Green Gables with its rolling green fields and white old-style buildings. The campus really looks like that.
I've been meeting amazing people all day and I'm a little sick so I'm totally beat. The more I meet people here, the more I'm amazed by how much we're all so similar.
Apparently, this school is dominated by ENFPs...something like over 30% of the campus (according to the career development center on campus). haha Crazy. A whole campus of people with my personality type.
Sad news...I have zero cell phone coverage here! I spent 20 minutes on the phone with verizon trying to get a smidgen of coverage-no success! We'll see what I'm going to do about that.
The campus of SIT resembles the set of Anne of Green Gables with its rolling green fields and white old-style buildings. The campus really looks like that.
I've been meeting amazing people all day and I'm a little sick so I'm totally beat. The more I meet people here, the more I'm amazed by how much we're all so similar.
Apparently, this school is dominated by ENFPs...something like over 30% of the campus (according to the career development center on campus). haha Crazy. A whole campus of people with my personality type.
Sad news...I have zero cell phone coverage here! I spent 20 minutes on the phone with verizon trying to get a smidgen of coverage-no success! We'll see what I'm going to do about that.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
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