Stolen from http://www.phdcomics.com.com

Read this comic first. For some reason blogger won't let me change the order of my entries right now.

One more week after this one!!! YES! oh yes!! Yeah, yeah!

I've got two more weeks after this week.

I can see the light. I need to get out and clear my head. But the two and half weeks before me seem daunting. I'm dragging my feet. I'm constantly carrying the pressure of what I have left to do but I feel unmotivated to start it.

And right now I'm not doing too well emotionally, so that's not helping my homework motivation.

Do you know who put forth these "7 social sins"?
1. Politics without Principle
2. Wealth without Work
3. Commerce without Morality
4. Pleasure without Conscience
5. Education without Character
6. Science without Humanity
7. Worship without Sacrifice.

Melodie was so kind to share her Thanksgiving and her Greek salad with me.

the best ever gingerbread chai!!

yummmmm

the closer we drove to Vermont the snowier it got...

Ahhhhhhhh!!! Santa-rex!

drama, drama, drama, dali lama...

my school is currently one giant pulsating stressball waiting to explode. Oh man, it's been crazy. practically every turn i take someone's reacting to something.

i was hoping it was calming down but then there was another drama in my theory and practice of sustainable development class today when some of the students from developing countries started sharing some of their frustrations in a not so helpful way. Then the class exploded with arguments (heated debates?) complete with one student walking out during class.

Oh lovely.

The problem is that even though i'm kind of okay and at least my homework load is not that bad at this current moment-stress is contagious. I really wish I was living off campus right now.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving! Get me out of here!

Check out this great website that a friend of mine here put together. After finishing the Peace Corps in Mozambique, he went back and put together a program teaching kids photography skills. The kids' work and more details about the project are on this website.

I've got to finish this paper tonight. ahhhh! I can do it!

It's amazing how music can transport you to another time. Is there anything else that can resurrect the senses so poignantly?

As I was comparing prices of something mundane in the grocery store the other day, I suddenly became still. I tilted my ear towards the words barely audible above the bustle of the store, "dancing in the moonlight, everybody feeling warm and bright, it's such a fine and natural sight..."

I could instantly remember the feel of those days. I was struck with how clearly I could see that narrow cobblestone street, hear the sounds of the Flamenco teacher yelling in Spanish and the feverish taps of the dancers in the studio next to my apartment.

The regret, excitement and seduction of that time in Spain was flowing into my ears. Flashes of my friends and I dancing next to the river that runs through Seville. The air-warm and moist. Shimmering, gold light reflecting off the water. The open-air dirt dance floor wide open as 1am was still too early to dance. This song playing as I dance alone with a drink in my hand, my friends laughing.

Then I'm walking down that narrow alley thinking about him. I'm confused. I'm distracted... And this song whiffs through an open window serving as a short soundtrack as I walk anxious, giddy and then turn the corner.

It's remarkable how a song can instantly bring you back. But then you shake off the moment and walk to the check out.

What an inspiring list.... http://www.selftaughtgirl.com/lifelist.html

I like #8, 9 and 10 but my fav is #17...

In the library working on a paper comparing Dependency theory and Modernization theory's different perspectives on development. Very interesting. Here's a snippet of each to give you an idea of the issues:

Dependency theory is the body of social science theories by various intellectuals, both from the Third World and the First World, that create a worldview which suggests that the wealthy nations of the world need a peripheral group of poorer states in order to remain wealthy.

Modernization theory is a socio-economic theory, sometimes known as (or as being encompassed within) development theory, which highlights the positive role played by the developed world in modernizing and facilitating sustainable development in underdeveloped nations, often contrasted with dependency theory. It is also a part of the wider theme of theories in sociology, known as the sociocultural evolution.

Anyway, I'm flying home Dec. 16th for Christmas break. Yeah!!!! I can't wait to see Jewliet and Joshua not to mention a couple other people, too. :-) I also need to get away from this place. I'm learning a lot but it often feels really claustrophobic.

I ended up deciding to go to a local friend's place for thanksgiving instead of coming home. I just thought it was too short of a time and that's also a busy time of the semester. All my papers and projects are due in the two weeks after Thanksgiving.

andy doing a great impression of a woman for the costume contest and yeah, he was the winner

a little halloween craziness...

one wrong exit and you end up here in the Bronx... i love being lost NYC...

B-more's interesting architecture

oh yeah...the fresh out the shower costume....clever and cheap. and actually in this case true. (the party was in the building I live in)

local gang-bangers in B-more..:-)

an intriguing graveyard in baltimore

the journey is the destination... (aka: oh so lost in B-more)

my room is the second from the right

the road leading up to my campus

the end of fall...

i'm dreaming of a white halloween...it slushed (kind of snowed) a couple days ago....the word on the street is that it's going to start snowing really early this year.

.

I'm so tempted to go to San Diego for Thanksgiving. Should I, should I, oh should I??? Money, homework, time? hmmm.... I have to decide soon.

I would maybe fly into LA because in my price searches so far that would be almost a hundred dollars less. Then maybe I could take the train down after hanging out with some LAer friends...hmmmmmm....I'm leaning towards no but so tempting....

I'm in Baltimore right now. Yes oh yes. Just finished a jog. It was weird. These 13 year old boys were flirting/making fun of me as I was jogging. They were pretending to jog and saying, "Hey lady, come jog with us." And saying other random stuff. Something was weird about that to me. I was like, "Don't they know how old I am?" They should see me as their mom or something.

I needed a break from SIT so I decided to come down to Baltimore for the weekend to visit Sandy. It's been refreshing to hang out with a close friend. Scott thought it was really bizarre that we pretty much studied the whole time. We spent hours at coffee shops this weekend alternating between deep talks and studying. It was perfect because we both had a lot of work to do but also needed to be refreshed.

I was supposed to leave this morning to drive back to Vermont but I got totally lost on the way to the highway. I know it sounds ridiculous but Baltimore is a really confusing city. So it got way too late in the day to drive that many hours in my super old car (that I borrowed from a friend). So I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. haha

Just to give you an update: Joshua is much better now and has been out of the hospital since the 14th. So thanks for your prayers.

Girls and Boys, Men and Women....

Celebrate "Love Your Body" day!!!

Oct. 19th!!!

(It's just coincidence that I went off on these very issues yesterday. Seriously, today is love your bod day.)

http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/

taken from http://www.about-face.org/yv/forum/index.shtml

Jean Kilborne is my new hero! Just got back from one of her lectures/media presentations at a college near my school. wow

Fascinating/disturbing analysis of the depiction of women in advertising. Really got me on my soapbox on the drive home.

This is one of those subjects I've got to blog about. I'm serious this time. No more empty promises. But meanwhile I've gotta go do some reading.... :-)

For info on the issues check out, "About Face" or Jean's resource list.

"About Face promotes positive self-esteem in girls and women of all ages, sizes, races and backgrounds through a spirited approach to media education, outreach and activism."

I should note that I don't necessarily agree with how they do everything but I thought the "make changes" link was helpful.

so now...

yipeeeee, it stopped raining...

we can....

play in the leaves....
:-)

Joshua report:
He's still in the hospital but they're pretty sure it's a viral infection and not the bacterial infection they were initially concerned about. He's breathing better but they still want to keep him overnight. I just talked to Andre and he said not to worry because Joshua is getting better.

I talked to Joshua for just a minute. He sounded terrible. It was heart wrenching to hear his small, sweet voice so raspy.

Thanks for praying.

my sis called me early this morning from the hospital. my nephew is having problems breathing. They've been in the hospital all night. They're not sure what it is but right now they're saying it's possible it could be something serious. It could be a serious case of croup or be a rare bacterial infection. If it's the latter, it's more serious. hopefully, it's not the latter.

please pray for him and my sis's family today!!

ugh, i have so much reading. it's "ugh" because I want to read it all but I know I have to skim a lot of it. it's such interesting stuff. right now i'm reading a book that's totally ripping apart the idea of "development". it's kind of funny because um, that's my major! excuse me, buddy!

like my advisor said in our first meeting, this school tries to "deconstruct" the concept of development our first semester, then kind of rebuilds it the second semester. maybe i'm cocky but that doesn't threaten me at all. i don't have this pie-in-the-sky idea about society's ability to help itself.

anyway, whoops...i realized my post on constant gardener might have given the impression that it's a "feel good" movie. warning: it's not. in fact, it's a very troubling movie.

my favorite prayer/meditation spot...

All these pics are the sights that I soak in as I jog on the dirt roads surrounding my campus. I wanted to put them up before the leaves all change.

I took these pics just last week and already this week a lot of trees are starting to turn their fall colors. (I hope to take lots of pics) I can't wait to see this area in all its beauty!

I love fall.

i was in class from 8:30 in the morning to 10pm today. dang.

my rump hurts...

Constant Gardener is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time!! Absolute must see! Not only is the plot realistic and beautifully woven, its cinematography is fresh and genuine. Not to mention the acting is incredible!

Anyway, can you tell I loved the movie?

note: I just read Ebert's review of the movie and for the most part I totally disagree with his take on the movie. See the movie first then read the review because he'll give you the wrong spin on it in my humble opinion.

haha...welcome to Vermont...

This is the car I drive around Brattleboro when I go off campus. haha A very nice fellow let's me borrow this car whenever I want. It doesn't have a muffler or power steering and is very temperamental. So it's always an adventure.

lovely downtown Brattleboro

another hippie bookstore

this is the view from our dining area! amazing...

part of our rugged campus :-)

Oh yeah, the homework is stacking up. Bring it on. This is going to be fun.

By the way, I've decided to study Russian to fulfill my language requirement here. So here I go once again, learning a language from ground zero. It's both exciting and daunting. What I'm both scared and excited about is learning to read a new alphabet. It's so amazing to be able to read a language with a script so different from your own.

I remember when I first read the word "ice cream" in Korean writing. I almost fell out of my chair!! "Oh my gosh! I just read that!!" It's an amazing experience. It gives you a different perspective on your own language.

Now Cyrillic script-that's a mixed bag. It's close enough to English that you think it's familiar but really many of the letters that look the same have a totally different sound. For example, the letter "p" in Russian sounds like the letter "r" in English. How confusing is that!

Thankfully, my goal at this point is just to familiarize myself with the language, so I can travel more easily in Central Asia and of course, fulfill my graduation requirements. I'm not trying to be an advanced speaker, so that kind of lifts the pressure off and just allows me to enjoy the process.

haha

Last night I got out of bed around 1am to tell my subwoofer loving next door dorm neighbor to please turn it off. It turns out this time that the rhythmic beats that were boom, boom, booming through the wall were actually her snores! haha I kept quietly knocking and then put my head against her door and realized that indeed she was snoring crazy loud. haha

Here at SIT people often ask me where I am from then always gasp and tell me how great San Diego is when I answer. You know, for some odd reason I've realized this slightly annoys me. I think it's because it happens again and again here. They start telling me about how great the weather is and about some touristy place they went to that I never go to. And I want to answer, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's overrated." haha

thoughts...

What if we physically reflected our emotional scars? Would I look around at this classroom of seemingly confident, mildly interested students and see a whole new truth?

People covered in scars. Some old and deep, others fresh and still bleeding? Then maybe I'd see them differently, with more empathy.

Maybe I'd look in the mirror and I'd gasp. If you could see the scars on my skin, there'd be no hiding.

Gotta love that group work, baby!

Yes, mission accomplished....very time consuming team presentation presented and finished!

"Every step that you take / Could be your biggest mistake / It could bend or it could break / But that’s the risk that you take."

Okay, at the prompting of a couple people I now have an AIM account, too. My id is the same as my msn messenger account. AIM seems less straight forward than MSN messenger but I guess I'll figure it out.

Well, I guess the honeymoon is over. Today I felt lonely. Lonely for my friends. Lonely because I'm tired of moving. But what can I say, at least at this point in my life-it's my fate to move frequently. But mostly I felt lonely because I'm tired of getting in impossible romantic relationships. *sigh* That also seems to be my fate. (*weak smile* cuz I know I'm being overly dramatic as usual)

Despite these inevitable feelings, I know good things are happening here and in many ways I couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.

One funny SIT cultural thing I've noticed here is that students generally don't complain that much or say anything negative for that matter. When my friends and I have started to share some of our negative feelings about the intensive Organizational Behavior class we're taking right now, we've ended up being really vague and looking at each other sheepishly.

I've also heard a couple people cut themselves off mid-sentence, "Oh...ah...I don't want to spread "bad energy"." I've never experienced this kind of implicit social pressure in a secular setting.

In fact, it's been my experience that at most academic institutions it's the favorite pass time of the students to complain about almost everything. So this is intriguing for me. I'm often analyzing what the roots of this mentality might be.

It's quite fascinating to be around a lot of humanistic do-gooders. It makes me think a lot about what really is the difference between them and I. We both have unusually strong senses of wrong and right, are willing to sacrifice the ease of Western life to help others and are passionate about speaking up on behalf of the oppressed/underserved.

After leaving a former peace corp volunteer's room that was covered with paraphernalia from Africa, I was struck by how much her passion was similar to a Christian missionary's passion. Just minus the Christian part. She's passionate about the people of Mozambique, passionate about seeing them succeed and planning on sacrificing to work with them.

So what's the difference between her and me? And all the others that are fighting for important causes here? Yeah, it goes back to what that guy brought up at orientation. "Where are we moving from and where are we going?" or said another way, "What's the problem and what can fix it?"

That's it. How her and I would answer this question-that's the difference between us. We might be doing a lot of the same things in our target countries but how we answer this question reveals how great the divide between us actually is.

If a person believes that corrupt social structures are the main problem, then working towards their end should be our goal. If lack of access to education and resources is at the heart of the problem, then once fair access is secured the problem will begin to dissolve.

Even though I believe in fighting for these issues, in my view the heart of the problem is always the state of the human heart and the only source of conclusive transformation is found in a restored relationship with our Maker.

Whew, anyway, I didn't mean to get into that right now. Especially being as I'm not in the state of mind to do the topic justice. Oh well.

In other news, amazingly there are a lot more Christians here than I thought there would be. We've been delighted to find each other and are trying to plan weekly prayer meetings to discuss issues like this.

okay good night....sorry this entry is all over the place...

Hey, if anybody uses msn messenger my new id is: "jatieness" if you want to add me. I used to use another id but found that so many of my Korean students were online that it was totally overwhelming each time I got on.

So maybe I'll use this one more often. Oh, I was so looking forward to blogging but somehow my blog time got away from me. Hopefully, soon....

haha...in the tradition of Calvin, "Academia, here I come!"

One of the school buildings on campus :-)

I wish you guys could see what I see everyday. It's so beautiful here on campus.
So far I totally love it here and every day I'm so thankful I made the choice to enroll in this program even though it was a really scary decision.

The more I learn about my program and classes the more excited I get! It's going to be busy but so good. Classes start Monday. Hopefully, I'll write more this weekend when I'm not totally exhausted.

I already have questions and thoughts that I'd like to hash out a bit. In one of our orientation sessions a student asked a question that I think resonated with all of us, "SIT talks a lot about "social change" but my question is change from what and to what end."

And I thought this is where everything gets sticky because the goal of positive social change depends on your view of "what is good". This is where the arguments begin and where finding common ground between varying worldviews becomes a fine art. Anyway, enough mumbly, barely processed ideas.....and off to bed!

Well, well. Here I am in rustic, rural Brattleboro. Brattleboro has a unique, artsy feel. But man, it's the polar opposite of LA.

The campus of SIT resembles the set of Anne of Green Gables with its rolling green fields and white old-style buildings. The campus really looks like that.

I've been meeting amazing people all day and I'm a little sick so I'm totally beat. The more I meet people here, the more I'm amazed by how much we're all so similar.

Apparently, this school is dominated by ENFPs...something like over 30% of the campus (according to the career development center on campus). haha Crazy. A whole campus of people with my personality type.

Sad news...I have zero cell phone coverage here! I spent 20 minutes on the phone with verizon trying to get a smidgen of coverage-no success! We'll see what I'm going to do about that.

Early tomorrow morning I'm leaving Sandy and taking a plane into the unknown.

I'm nervous.

All this time I've been saying good-bye and not thinking much about the place I'm actually going to. But tomorrow baby bird is being pushed out of the nest and......whooosh...

I'm on my own.

As I was jogging around Sandy's area here in Baltimore, I couldn't help thinking about what architecture expresses about an area. We live in the same country but I still stare around in wonder when I visit friends on the east coast.

In the case of Sandy's area there are "row houses" lining every street. Row houses are basically houses that share a wall and in Sandy's area whole streets of houses share walls. And as I jogged by porch after porch, I thought about how the architecture reflects a sense of community.

In my community development class at San Diego State we talked a lot about how the relationship between the community and city design is cyclical. For example, peoples that value community tend to build structures that promote interaction thus further continuing their emphasis on community.

This also got me thinking about a book that I haven't read but I'm often referring to. haha That's so "Joyce". Just imagine the profound intellectual contributions I could make if I actually thoroughly read the books I quoted.

Even though our teacher just summarized the premise of Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community for class discussion, the ideas still had a lasting effect on me. It's like it just clicked together something that I had been thinking about and discussing with various friends for a long time. I remember in college Tristen and I went through this period of time when we were on this "community" soap box. Whenever we got a chance we'd go on long tirades about the lack of community in our generation and what we should all do about it.

Apparently, it's something we've all been thinking about because when this Harvard prof. who was previously unnoticed by the masses wrote an article on it, he was shocked by the out-pouring of response.

In this alarming and important study, Putnam, a professor of sociology at Harvard, charts the grievous deterioration over the past two generations of the organized ways in which people relate to one another and partake in civil life in the U.S.

Few people outside certain scholarly circles had heard the name Robert D. Putnam before 1995. But then this self-described "obscure academic" hit a nerve with a journal article called "Bowling Alone." Suddenly he found himself invited to Camp David, his picture in People magazine, and his thesis at the center of a raging debate.

In a nutshell, he argued that civil society was breaking down as Americans became more disconnected from their families, neighbors, communities, and the republic itself. The organizations that gave life to democracy were fraying. Bowling became his driving metaphor. Years ago, he wrote, thousands of people belonged to bowling leagues.

Today, however, they're more likely to bowl alone:
Television, two-career families, suburban sprawl, generational changes in values--these and other changes in American society have meant that fewer and fewer of us find that the League of Women Voters, or the United Way, or the Shriners, or the monthly bridge club, or even a Sunday picnic with friends fits the way we have come to live. Our growing social-capital deficit threatens educational performance, safe neighborhoods, equitable tax collection, democratic responsiveness, everyday honesty, and even our health and happiness.

And by the way, thanks for all your kind, encouraging comments on my last post! I have orientation Monday! Pray for me!

Okay, okay. I guess I'm finally going to talk about it but I'm not going to go into great detail right now. Sorry.

I'm moving to Vermont to go to SIT after all. After a lot of thought and hand-ringing this year, I've decided to get my MA in Sustainable Development at the same school I had deferred at a year ago. Ro's come to visit before I fly to Vermont Sept. 1st. We drove my stuff down last night from LA.

Here's a description of my program even though I'm sure you're perfectly clear on what Sustainable Development is-right? haha

SIT's Master of Arts in Sustainable Development prepares graduates for positions as consultants, project managers, and administrators in international and community based organizations whose efforts achieve a more equitable and sustainable use of the world's wealth and natural resources. The program provides a comprehensive education in issues of development, including competing theories and alternative approaches to practice, as it develops competencies in program planning, proposal writing, policy advocacy and training. Special attention is given to the role of nonprofits, nongovernmental organizations, and other civil society institutions as catalysts and providers of people-centered development programs and as actors influencing the formulation of public and corporate policies that affect the lives of their constituencies. As the graduate school of World Learning, a leading international development organization, SIT is uniquely qualified to prepare professionals with the capacity to help communities around the globe meet their needs and ensure their future.

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I'm watching "So you think you can dance?" right now and it's making me crazy! It's so intense! Ahhh!! And I don't think I've watched this much dancing before. (sad I know) It's reminding me so much of Sandy and our long discussions about the beauty of dance.

My last year in Korea I trained in Tae Kwon Do every morning because for me it was poetry in motion. (a sweet, devoted student got up every morning and taught me) Training my body in the discipline of Tae Kwon Doe was so worshipful. The first time I watched my gangly, shy students transform themselves into grace and precision in motion in a Tae Kwon Do presentation I was hooked.

I felt that again tonight as I watched the human body powerfully, gracefully convert passion and energy into dance. I have to say that Blake's performance in the lyrical dance routine was powerful. I loved that routine. That dance routine was a story of the passion and confusion of the beginning of a relationship. Loved it!

I'm voting for Snow and that other foreign guy...darn what's his name.

Sandy, you've got to watch this show! You'll love it!

So I'm temping at this trendy shoe company right now to make some extra cash before school starts. I've been assigned to help out dear old Dorothy with online orders that have gone awry.

It's funny how doing something so mundane can be made a little more meaningful when you like the person you're doing it for. Apparently, something has gone wrong with one of their programs and I've been hired to do Dorothy’s job temporarily. She's really stressed but still super sweet so I enjoy the work more cuz I'm helping her out.

So I'm copying and pasting letters to customers. Now that I've got the system kind of down it's getting repetitive. Thus I'm doing what Joyce always does when things get repetitive-quietly almost subconsciously entertain myself.

I've had some great fodder for this. Poor Mr. Wigglesworth-I had a fun time as I was preparing his email. Wouldn't it have been funny if I had sent out his email, "Dear Wiggles"? hehe Betcha he's never heard that before. Then there was Ms. Toppings...she got some toppings with her email. haha Oh man...this is pathetic but still entertaining...

Oh now don't fret....I'm not really writing that stuff just wishing I could for a good laugh.

turning randomly to psalms these words lept afresh into my heart...

O Lord, you have searched me and known me...
you know when I sit down or when I stand up...
you discern my thoughts from far away...
you search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways..
even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely...

you know me-don't you, Lord? you really know me...thanks for loving all of me... *smile*

The New Have-It-All Myth
"Young women are shockingly naive about how easy it'll be to hop on and off the career track. Have we sold them an impossible dream?"

Taken from an interesting article, girls....read it here.

excuse me, adam, as I help myself to your food...

we've made it...

oh the meadows of Mt. Hood

beginning our 13 mile hike into our camping spot

follow me you slackers!

Warning: If you are going to read book 6 of Harry Potter or haven't finished yet, you might not want to read this.

I just finished it and I was shocked. I won't give away too much (or maybe I will) but I will say JK Rowling has proved herself to be very un-American in this book. (not that she is American) Americans tend to like neat endings and I think abhor the death of a major character.

At least I think this tends to be true with art forms that have become as commercialized as Harry Potter has. But wow, I guess she's sticking to her guns even if half the world is going to be up in arms at what she let happen in this book. Or at least I'm up in arms! I was so devastated but at the same time it makes the story deeper, more important.
***Harry Potter spoiler over**
Anyway, I've just recently gotten back from Oregon. It was an eventful and deeply meaningful trip. It was also great to be immersed in old friendships. I was around old timer friends 24/7 which was really refreshing.

I'm going to talk more about that but I'm waiting for the breath-taking pics of our camping trip on Mt. Hood. Unbelievable beauty...seriously calendar worthy!

And I have to admit I did seriously ask myself a couple times why I'm not a tree-hugging, REI clad, bike-riding, tattoo covered Portlander instead of a pollution breathing, car-imprisoned, bullet-dodging la-la lander. (Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit...maybe)

I just got back from spending the whole day with June and her fam at Disneyland. We were celebrating Jewel's 5th b-day. Really fun but roasting HOT.

Now I'm off to pack for my trip to Portland tomorrow. I'm going to hang out with my old college homies and take care of important family stuff. So please pray about that.

I can't believe I'm getting up at 4:30am! ahhhhhh!!!

Why or why didn't I know about this website when I lived in West LA. :-) I really needed it...
http://www.localhikes.com/

Just read part of an interview with Bono. Isn't it amazing that the leader of one of the most influential rock bands is a sincere believer? And not only that but he's seeking to make an impact on a global scale through advocating for Africa concerning AIDS and trade issues. Praise God for the interesting characters in unusual places that he raises up. Kind of reminds me of how God raised up Joseph in the time of famine.

Taken from: "Bono in Conversation" by Michka Assayas.
Interviewer: The son of God who takes away the sins of the world. I wish I could believe in that.

Bono: But I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says: "Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there’s mortality as part of your very sinful nature, and let’s face it, you’re not living a very good life, are you?" There are consequences to actions. The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That’s the point. It should keep us humbled… It’s not our own good works that get us through the gates of Heaven.

By the way, I'm reading Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life by Nouwen. So GOOD! Actually, I have a confession. I don't usually like devotional books. I often find them to be simplistic and mundane. But this baby, is good stuff. Something you can drink deeply from.

Just a few jewels...

"But real openness to each other also means a real closedness, because only he who can hold a secret can safely share his knowledge. When we do not protect with great care our own inner mystery, we will never be able to form community."

"No friend or lover, no husband or wife, no community or commune will be able to put to rest our deepest cravings for unity and wholeness. And by burdening others with these divine expectations, of which we ourselves are often only partially aware, we might inhibit the expression of free friendship and love and evoke instead feelings of inadequacy and weakness."

Driving up to my driveway today I was greeted by salt and pepper colored flecks floating through the air. I sat there perplexed as my windshield was quickly covered with what turned out to be the ashes of a fire here in Rancho Palos Verdes.

Yeah, at first my roommate and I were a bit freaked out. But then after watching wealthy home owners with garden hoses on the news for a while, we decided it was far enough away that we didn't need to worry about it too much.

So don't worry...we're okay.

Apparently, Hermosa Beach has citywide free wireless. Because right now I'm sitting watching the suburbanite monsters try to drown each other in their cousin's pool while surfing the net.

Their cousin told me that Hermosa had 50,000 left over in their budget one year so they decided to give all of Hermosa Beach free wireless. Crazy. He says it's strongest at the beach. Right now I'm getting a low signal from his backyard but hey, it works.

Good thing that I just so happened to have my laptop in my car today. Otherwise I wouldn't have made this fun discovery. Now when I go biking from Manhattan Beach to Hermosa Beach, I'm going to strap my laptop on my back. ahh...maybe. :-)

But yeah, I'm nannying this summer. Thought it would be a fun summer job while I waited for school to start up again this fall. So far it is.....um....not exactly fun but how about an interesting social observation project.

Happy 4th of July everyone...

Yesterday I had the best time adventuring Palos Verdes and San Pedro with Bindu. We took a long ride along the coast in Palos Verdes and then ended the day at Shakespeare by the Sea, a live outdoor Shakespearean performance literally "by the sea". Great fun. If you live in the Los Angeles, you should check it out.
http://www.shakespearebythesea.org

Oh my gosh! It's July 1st! Whoa, time flies. In a couple days I will have been the US for a year. I'm not sure how I feel about that. To be honest, I still feel that I haven't completely acclimated back to American life. My internal frame of reference still tends to be Korea.

Well, I wasn't going to blog about that right now. I just wanted to post a portion of this article on blogging. It mentions that even though blogging is a huge movement, at the same many people don't really understand what blogging is. It tends to be one of those words people have heard but often don't really understand. I am frequently explaining to people what blogging is.

What a strange and amazing technological revolution we are apart of...

"It was Merriam-Webster Online's No. 1 word of 2004, and Fortune magazine named it the No. 1 tech trend for 2005. Two surveys by the Pew Internet & American Life Project in November 2004 found that 8 million people say they have created one and almost one-third of Internet users say they read one. But it's still a mystery: Six-of-ten Internet users say they don't know what "blog" means.

A blog, according to Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary, is "a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments and often hyperlinks provided by the writer."

Bloggers write about their lives to keep friends and family up-to-date, talk about their industry, discuss hobbies or rant about their favorite reality TV show. But posting pictures of you at work, disclosing confidential information about your employer, or bad-mouthing your co-workers could get you in hot water for committing inappropriate behavior."

The greatest truth I know is what I feel when I look in my niece's eyes.

I'm so easily confused about my life, burdened by the loneliness and darkness I see around me. Life can often seem colorless and meandering.

But when I look in my niece's eyes, eyes that glow with a pure truth, my relativism and pessimism lift and out shines one singular truth-love without condition.

I've always been one to tie myself in intellectual knots and it's always been the profound truth of simple love that has lifted the superfluous fog of my limited human logic.

It's this love that makes everything make sense; it's this love that makes things matter. It's in the light of this pure child-like love that our own darkness is exposed and our deepest redemption found.

I've been busy from dawn till dusk this last week. I'm feeling kind of homeless as I'm in the process of moving to Palos Verdes for the summer but all my stuff is in 3 different locations in Los Angeles right now.

As June and I were about to leave to Barnes and Noble tonight she said, "aren't you going to change?" She was commenting on my interesting combination of somewhat formal shirt and workout pants. But hey, that's what happens when your clothes are all over LA and you go on a weekend trip to San Diego to hang out with "the fam" and "the old school".

Man, I feel like I've been inundated with superficiality lately. It's been hitting me on all fronts. Men, friends, random people sitting next to me...

The girl sitting next to me has been absolutely driving me crazy! I'm trying to concentrate on my taxes and she's gossiping about some poor girl. But the poor girl is not the only object of her annoying, shallow tirades. She is also, of course, talking about how smart she is and how that guy that hit on her was obviously "not smart enough" because he's from the South. Whatever that means!

This is what her words sounded like to me, "whinewhinewhinenegativitybrattybrainlesswhine! Andasldijgfijfosdigj!"

Annoying!!!! I seriously can't understand why people waste their time going on and on about such meaningless bull crap. Unfortunately, I feel like I've been hearing a lot of things like this lately and I'm starting to wonder if the stereotypes of LA are more true than I originally thought.

sorry...venting....

The count down has begun. I'm moving to the OC one week from tomorrow. Time has flown by. It's weird to be moving again. Part of me feels like it's going to be like moving to a totally new city. Hopefully that's not true because it's not like I'm severing all the connections I've made here on the Westside.

It's funny-my roommates and I have been spending ridiculous amounts of time talking and hanging out at our place. It's like we're subconsciously trying to squeeze in as much time as possible before we separate.

Right now I think I'm suffering from a bout of post-semester disorientation. In this past week alone I've had two dreams in which I've woken up panicked about some paper I need to finish or some missing document that's going to bring my grade down. Of course, later after struggling for a minute to separate fact from dream, I realize that the semester is over and everything is complete. I also have that common summer feeling of, "what do I do now?" But it's not like I don't have a lot to do or a lot of things to enjoy. It's just that rapid change from stressed to unstressed that leaves a person a bit thrown off.

I guess it doesn't help that my stupid international tax situation is looming over my head. (don’t worry I got an extension) I've finally got all the answers I need to file though. So if you ever live overseas for a long time and need some tax help you know who to ask.

There's something sad about this cat and mouse game we call the dating game.

Often when a guy first starts pursuing me, unbeknownst to him I pull into myself. I start seeing the situation as if I was outside myself-an invisible, objective outsider merely observing the situation.

Something about that vantage point frequently pushes me into a state of melancholy. Here are two humans trying to make it through a maze of motives, expectations, and baggage to actually reach each other. Ironically in the process of trying desperately to connect, they often push each other further away.

This out-of-body experience has been especially stark with a couple guys. As one particular guy was talking on and on about all his ex-girlfriends over dinner, I felt close to tears. Not because of his obvious lack of awareness, but because in his desire to connect with me he had pushed me away.

It's the observer in me that is most grieved by this because that observer knows that this guy's behavior is reflective of what we all do at times-a micro-example of the human experience. Seeking selfishly to be loved, we push the chance for genuine love aside.

The dating game frequently thrusts me into a somber, thoughtful state. I so often feel like just a pawn on some guy’s chessboard. He's looking to win the game of love and in the pursuit of love he misses me-the person right in front of him.

Today I feel good about being in America. Just had a great day. Since I finished my grad classes Wednesday, I've found my myself in a unexpected whirl wind of socializing. Thursday night I said good-bye to my Westside small group cuz I'm moving to the OC baby (I just said that cuz it rhymes not cuz I'm particularly excited). Then saw Star Wars III Friday night, which as thoroughly reported already was very good and a bit sad. Then today I got up kind of early for a Saturday and went biking from Venice to Hermosa Beach with my small group and it really was jolly good fun.

I have that great tired/high kind of feeling that you get after working out for a long time. It feels so good when you take a shower and drink a veggie juice drink. (huh? well at least it does for me)

I was thinking of chilling and watching Gardenstate. (it's about time!). But I'm getting super tired now. Anyway, I was going to talk about way more interesting things than just babbling on. I guess I was going to say that I can already tell that Gardenstate is going to instantly put me in a pensive probably slightly sad mood.

This sentence alone on the back of the DVD case already is the story of my life, "Twentysomething, Andrew Largeman (Joyce ****), returns home after nine long years. Now as he(she) tries to re-connect with his (her) past...."

Heard a very interesting discussion on Evangelical influence on students at Ivy League schools on NPR today.

To listen click here. To read the NY Times article click here.

This article and the interview brought to the surface a lot of things that I've been thinking about for a while concerning America's current culture wars. I would like to think out loud about it but it's such a sensitive issue even between Christians.

One thing I'll venture to say about it right now is that American culture wars take on a different taint when you come back to them after living overseas for a long time. I'm being kind of general and cryptic...maybe I'll try to discuss some of this stuff after my classes are over. (yeah! 2 more classes then I'm done for the semester!) But knowing me once the moment's over I won't go back to it.

Here's a snippet from the NY Times article to whet your appetite:
"The growing power and influence of evangelical Christians is manifest everywhere these days, from the best-seller lists to the White House, but in fact their share of the general population has not changed much in half a century. Most pollsters agree that people who identify themselves as white evangelical Christians make up about a quarter of the population, just as they have for decades.

What has changed is the class status of evangelical. In 1929, the theologian H. Richard Niebuhr described born-again Christianity as the "religion of the disinherited." But over the last 40 years, evangelicals have pulled steadily closer in income and education to mainline Protestants in the historically affluent establishment denominations. In the process they have overturned the old social pecking order in which "Episcopalian," for example, was a code word for upper class, and "fundamentalist" or "evangelical" shorthand for lower.

Evangelical Christians are now increasingly likely to be college graduates and in the top income brackets. Evangelical C.E.O.'s pray together on monthly conference calls, evangelical investment bankers study the Bible over lunch on Wall Street and deep-pocketed evangelical donors gather at golf courses for conferences restricted to those who give more than $200,000 annually to Christian causes.

Their growing wealth and education help explain the new influence of evangelicals in American culture and politics. Their buying power fuels the booming market for Christian books, music and films. Their rising income has paid for construction of vast mega-churches in suburbs across the country. Their charitable contributions finance dozens of mission agencies, religious broadcasters and international service groups."

What are your thoughts on this? Are we becoming more influential because our money and education has increased or is it something else?

If it is true that we as a community have become more affluent in the last couple decades are we using our greater spending power to expand the kingdom of God (ex. reaching out to communities that are more needy economically, socially, spiritually) or are we primarily using it for ourselves and our community (ex. megachurch buildings, bookstores)?

There are a lot of other things I'd like to ask your thoughts on but I've got to get back to studying....

Hilarious...

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html...

and healthy too...

Bingo!!!

In all my Central Asia research, I've found a "to drool for" website. (This is the kind of website I've been envisioning..somebody already thought of it. That's alright I still have a couple ideas up my sleeve that might come to fruition someday over the rainbow....)

http://www.oneworldjourneys.com/

A statement that broke my heart tonight:

"One man, Abdulla Abdullaugli, 28, asked to take a reporter's notebook and then wrote a statement in Russian: "This is not radical Islam, simply people who want to live like the rest of the world." (meaning this uprising is not really about Islam but about people who want out of their poverty)

-taken from this article on the recent Islamic uprising in Uzbekistan

"Conformity"
(A young girl posing for a picture outside Tiananmen Square)

An old forgotten and unkept part of the great wall

Fishing boats in frozen lake, Great Wall, China